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Get the Ball Rolling Again

For me loneliness = eating. And nothing feels more lonely than having my husband work 12 hour swing shifts and all my friends moving an hour away from me. Literally. All of them. No wonder I've been feeling the urge to procreate. I want to exploit my children for company.
At any rate, I need to figure out how to remedy this eating issue. I'm hoping that when my schedule gets back to normal next week I'll be back on a schedule and thus able to renew my routine.

In the meantime, I went to the mall today in desperation to have some social experience, even if it's with strangers. I got myself some new running shoes. They're black and pink Nikes. I have plans to get that little shoe insert that syncs with your iPod. Then I'll be able to track my progress better and set some different goals.


Check out the
Nike Air Pegasus+ 26 Women's Running Shoe
I found at Nike online


Here's the shoe insert stuff:
http://store.apple.com/us/product/MA365LL/E/Nike-iPod-Sport-Ki…

Recovery

Well, it's over. And I'm sitting on my couch right now in my pajamas eating through my pile of chocolate whilst planning my trip to Outback where I will guiltlessly eat my fair share of a bloomin' onion. Yes I'm aware of what is in a bloomin' onion. I don't care.

Running was a bust over the last week. I managed to run two days while the family was here, but I think the day that I ran in the rain killed my immune system. I haven't been able to breathe through my nose for about 4 days. That's really all that's wrong though. Once that's gone I'll be back to 100%. The good news is that my super hubby bought me the perfect push-up. They're these swivel handle things that you use to do pushups with. It helps take the pressure off your wrists. Anyway, I felt the need to use them immediately and my arms, chest and low belly have been pretty sore for a couple days. So now I have something I can combine with my running.

I've been trying to sho…

Tough Times

So, with this holiday business, I feel like I've been doing fairly well, I missed running two days, but I ran two days since Saturday. When you get busy I guess it's hard to remember if you've even kept track of your diet and exercise. I ran yesterday in the rain. I think this might have been a bad call on my part. My throat isn't coping so well and I woke up in a cold sweat this morning. Perhaps that turbo-jam might be the way to go until the weather clears up. At least if I don't want to get sick anyway.

I was contemplating my eating as of late as well. You know, when you do actually make changes to your lifestyle rather than your eating it really makes a difference. We went to chinese the other night and I could hardly even touch my food. I really wasn't hungry. I remember getting the exact same meal several months ago and devouring it. I had to get a box to take it home almost as soon as she served it to me. The other thing I've noticed to is the holida…

Plugging Away

Well, the last couple of days have been some good and some bad. I had healthy subway for dinner last night which was good, but we're so low on groceries lately that I ended up eating a bowl of stove top cornbread stuffing for lunch yesterday. The bad part was when I got home. I ate a bunch of corn chips and a bowl of cereal. There are worse things I suppose.
I missed my run the last couple of days but I got it in today. I didn't do the two laps that I should have because it started raining and I wasn't dressed for it. That and I didn't want to keep running haha. But I did something  and that's good.
The fam is here and I think running is the right answer.

I skipped my weight watchers meeting yesterday so I didn't get to weigh in. I'm thinking it might be good to invest in a weight watchers scale. I weighed myself this morning and I was back down to 176. Then again I wasn't wearing much! My scale at home often is nicer to me than the scale at my meetings…

The Impending Doom!

This thursday, the in-laws are coming to stay with us. Paul's parents arrive here Thursday and will be here until the 27th. I'm very excited to have them stay with us. I've been trying to plan out some food stuff and have been getting the house all ready for them. 
This morning I got up really really early. My dad stayed the night to save on gas and gets up at 6 to go to work. My cat was very excited about this and felt the need to wake me up too...by jumping on my bladder multiple times. He's a sweetie. Anyway, I got up, made some breakfast, clipped the coupons from the Sunday paper and then realized that I needed to go for my run today. And then I looked out the window. Ew. It's pouring down rain and really cold. This is a problem.
The frigid temperatures didn't bother me, but this wet stuff is not okay. And it occurred to me that with the parents-in-law here, running over the next ten days might not work out so well. So I need to come up with a new strategy. T…

Keeping it up

So...
I didn't get to run today :( I had to work sub at two different schools. But I'm going to count the half hour of squats I did to change the flat tire on my car as a bit of a workout. That and the stairs I climbed at Grant high school about 5 times. I won't be too hard on myself. I ate healthy foods today too without even really being aware of it. I had salmon and broccoli and couscous for lunch (leftovers are awesome!) and chicken, acorn squash, and stovetop stuffing for dinner. I think cookies are going to be the death of me though. I made this really yummy batch of almond meringue cookies (about 30 cookies) and Paul and I managed to eat all of them in two days. I think I shared 6 of them with other people. And even though they're made of ground up almonds and egg whites (yay healthy!), there's also a boatload of powdered sugar in them (boo not so healthy). So, I'm going to wait until we have people around more before I roll out the four balls of sugar c…

Weigh In

Yay! I'm down 1.8 pounds today! Running works! I made it all the way around again today so I think tomorrow I'm going to add a lap of walking in. I might try to run half walk half twice so that I don't die. I think I'm getting faster too because it seems like I'm getting around faster. Woot!
I feel like I need to add in some upper body work at some point, but I don't want to push too hard. So far this exercise is simple and small enough that I can do it every day and I don't make excuses for myself to avoid it. I think if I try to do too much I'll find more reasons not to do it. Which sort of negates my blunt approach. 
Anyway, losing weight is good! 4 more pounds and I'll be back to what I was before the wedding. 4 pounds after that and I'll be at my 10% and thus boots!

Black and White

I've been thinking about what it is that has me pushing myself so much lately. I've already said that I'm equating my health to my work on my singing. And I think it may be more fundamental than that. You either do something or you don't. It's almost like a Dr. Laura approach. For me, I either run every morning and feel good and see drastic results in my body, or I don't and I stay the same. I either eat the sugar cookie and feel a brief sense of satisfaction, or I don't and feel long term satisfaction. I don't feel like I have to be as motivated if I'm this blunt with myself. I have this option every day. I don't have to make exceptions for myself all the time. 
Tomorrow I'm going to dinner with a friend (yay Frannie!) at the old spaghetti factory. We'll see if this tough love theory holds when I go. Perhaps I'll run twice tomorrow to make the choice easier.

Pretty!

I am experimenting with blog layouts. So far it's been a little treacherous using different blogger templates, but I think this will work. I'm not 100% satisfied with it as far as the way that it interfaces with the bloggers editing tools, but I like the look.

I wish I could write my own code to make it look exactly how I want it. Oh well.

Running in Circles

I am so thankful for the responses I've been getting lately! Thanks y'all for the ideas and suggestions.
I took a day off from the running yesterday and was able to drag my butt outside today for another lap around the ol' complex. I managed to make it all the way around to the really steep hill, where I walked up, and then ran the rest of the way to my front door. It took about half as long for me to catch my breath when I got back in the apartment too. I just checked the temperature outside and realized I ran in 22 degree weather. If I can run in this, normal temperatures will be cake!

I've added some minor stretching in and it's really helped with the soreness. I haven't entertained the new shoes yet. My ankles seem supported and happy in my shoes now, and my feet don't ache at all, so I might wait a little bit to invest.

It's kind of amusing when I run by the front office because they probably have started noticing my morning lap. It's a weird m…

On we go!

Today is day 4 of running. So far I haven't missed a day. This is good. I have a new goal that I can see daily results.
My run at this point is just 1 lap around the parking lot at my complex. I run from my front door around and back to my front door again. Along my run is a longer downhill stretch followed by the leasing office, then a long row of garages (below our apartment) then a short steep hill and a little stretch back to our front door.

Here's how it's gone so far.
Day 1: I got to about halfway down the garages. My lungs ached and I thought I had a cold when I was done. My inhaler wouldn't help.

Day 2: I only got about a quarter of the way down the garages, and my lungs still ached, but not as bad. My legs were sore, but so was my core. I spent the whole day doing things to flex the muscles around my abdomen (like half moon pose in yoga!)

Day 3: Got the end of the garages and thought to use my inhaler before I ran. My lungs ached less. My legs were more sore, …

Better

Sorry for the woe is me post. I get really lonely sitting by myself in the evenings with Paul off to work swing. I recharge when I'm around people. When I'm not around people, I get depressed and hopeless and angsty. At any rate, I ended up watching the biggest lose, which I never watch because it seems so unrealistic, and they were challenged to run a 26 mile marathon. And I'm looking at these people who have all lost more weight than me and are still heavier than I am run 26 miles. TWENTY SIX MILES. So I decided to put on my tennis shoes and try to make a lap around my complex parking lot. It's probably less than a quarter mile. I managed to run probably 3/4 of the way but I had to stop and walk after that. The cold combined with my asthma and my bad shape had me feeling pretty awful. My inhaler is kind of old too so it didn't really alleviate my horrible burning lungs and throat. But I did it. And this morning and got up and did it again. My throat still burns, …

Despair

I'm beginning to feel like this is a lost cause. I can't get to my weight watchers meetings anymore. I have been steadily gaining weight rather than losing it. I can't maintain the lifestyle required to be at a lower weight. As badly as I want to, it's just not who I am. I am not someone who eats healthy all the time or exercises as often as I should. Is that so bad? Yeah, probably.

I've never known what it's like to not be overweight. I've had glimpses in the past from when I've lost too much weight too quickly and then gained it back when I couldn't maintain the lifestyle. Perhaps I might have to come to terms with the idea that this is how my body is going to be. Perhaps I just need to honest with myself. I can't seem to overcome my own selfish urges when it comes to food. I can't stop justifying what I eat. I keep excusing myself and telling myself to do better the next day. And I keep wondering, when am I going to wake up and have that …

Surviving the Turkey Overload

Well, I haven't weighed myself since the big meal. I am kind of scared. I felt like I ate more than I should have, but in retrospect, I did not eat myself to an uncomfortable level of full at any point. I wanted to go for a walk, but the pouring rain made it kind of undesirable. So now I'm just trying to get back onto the pre-made meals wagon. My daily breakfast of pumpkin oatmeal is the best. With my schedule being so erratic it's nice to know I have a hot breakfast waiting for me in the fridge in a matter of minutes. Breakfast is the worst when it comes to skipping meals. I walked 4 miles last week as well. It's not much, but it's something. It occurred to me that this lifestyle change stuff is permanent. I've always been aware of this fact, but the reality of it sank in finally. If I start walking and lose weight, I can't stop walking if I want to keep it off. It will come creeping back. I hate that!

In new developments, I moved all of my voice students …

The Plan

Okay, so I'm serious now! I'm implementing my plan this week. So far it's pretty good. I made enough pumpkin oatmeal to have for breakfast for a week. I also baked myself 5 sweet potatoes for lunches and have apples and soup to go with them. I'm going to try eating the same thing for two of my meals every day.

Then I went through my recipes and healthified them for dinners and I have my meal list on my fridge. I have all the groceries for them minus the produce because I keep buying it and it keeps going bad. So far it's going pretty good this plan. Last night I made carnitas for tacos. I bought four pork picnic roasts in a pack from Cash & Carry for $10. I'm not kidding. Four. $10. Hell yeah!
Here's the recipe:
I put the roast in the crock pot with some water, salt and pepper, several garlic cloves and about a third of a bottle of hot sauce (the chipotle cholula rocks!). Then I let it cook all day (about 10 hours or so)

It was sooo good. I made a fresh…

A breath of fresh air!

I've found new life for my motivation. I went shopping with my sister on Friday and tried on some pants that I liked at the Limited. Well, they are the same size 14 that I've been wearing the last year or so and they barely buttoned. Bad! This explains the sneaking suspicion I've been having lately that my pants are a bit too tight. Yeah, I've gotten fatter. The scale is more forgiving than my pants. This cannot happen. I refuse to get bigger! It's amazing the shot in the arm this gives me. I ordered salad the last few times I've been out to eat. I'm hoping that I might have an effect on my weight by choosing to eat things that I know are safe for weight watchers in general rather than tracking everything. I just can't maintain a lifestyle where I have to write down everything I eat. Point in case, my pants don't fit!
I think I'm going to see if I can go to normal yoga for cheaper than hot yoga. Hot yoga is $125 a month. I'm sure I can find …

New Perspective

I've been saying lately how I'm not all that motivated to do better with my weight loss. And this is true. I really don't care right now about losing anymore weight. I'm definitely interested in not gaining anymore at least. I've decided that what I need is incentive rather than motivation. A year ago I joined weight watchers and I promised myself that when I reached my 10% weight loss goal I would buy myself some knee high boots. I'm very picky about my shoes these days and I want some that are comfortable and good for my posture. Essentially, I want really expensive ones. So this is a big deal. Well, I have yet to reach that goal. There was a point when I was only 4 pounds away. Now I'm 9 pounds away. At any rate, I have yet to achieve it, and I have long forgotten about my reward. But now that I want my reward again, I have a reason to work toward it.

So I am going to start tracking again beginning tomorrow. I have my weigh in tonight so I'll know wh…

Update for the Sake of Updates

Weighed in Friday. Didn't really lose anything.
I have to say that having a meeting to regroup each week is a great thing. It's nice to have a group of people that you consistently check in with to gauge how you're doing. It's also nice to stop and think about what you're doing for yourself as well. I realized that I love the fall and it's a great time for weight loss for me because I love the foods you can eat in the fall. There's apples and squash, pumpkin and nuts and cranberries and pears and all sorts of comfort foods that are really healthy. I just have to cook and eat them is the problem here. I love the creativity that can happen when you have to cook healthy.
I made a cabbage and apple salad with sour cream and lemon juice that's completely yummy. I would have never thought of that before. I'm also going to attempt to make a kale and carrot salad that I tried at New Seasons. No cooking necessary! And quite delicious.
Perhaps instead of focu…

Breakfast

I've noticed that when I wake up before noon and I eat a decent high fiber breakfast, I don't get as ravenous in the evening. Like, when all you can do is think about all of the things that you want to eat and you eat whatever you can find instead wishing it were all something else until you realize that you've completely sabotaged yourself. Breakfast seems to kill all that. It's amazing what a big difference it makes. I don't have that problem AT ALL when I've eaten in the morning.

Now to go make myself something to eat...

Blah

I've realized that I don't really care about my weight loss lately. I was in my bathroom and it occurred to me that I haven't had any desire to use my scale for a couple of weeks now. I usually weigh myself every morning before I get in the shower. It was like a little self esteem boost because I weigh the least first thing in the morning. Anyway, I've sort of lost my momentum. I don't really care either way how my weight watchers weigh in goes lately. Honestly I'm kind of happy in this state. It's nice not to have this drama. I have been trying to at least be aware of what I eat, even if I'm not writing it down or stopping myself from eating what I shouldn't have. But I figure it's better than nothing. I've been extremely bad about walking too, and I didn't even realize it until this afternoon. I haven't been walking in probably about two weeks. I did walk about half a mile yesterday to get my lunch yesterday though, but it's no…

Getting Back to Business

It's been awhile since I've posted. So here's the update. I've been yo-yo-ing with my weight lately. I made a pact with my weight watchers leader last week to track and have her go over my tracker. It was really really hard to make myself write everything down, but I did it and lost 2.8 pounds. Problem is that I haven't really stuck with it this week and I know the scale is going to be merciless this friday. But that's what next week is for.

I finally got onto the sub list for Portland and have been working on and off for about a week now. It's nice knowing that I am actually earning some money! I'll be able to buy fruits and vegetables again. Right now we're kind of having to live on what's cheap...so hamburgers and hot-dogs and fast food. Not super for diets I must say.

I've been pretty good with walking, but not as much as I should. Amber and I did the 2 mile track at Nike last week, and we've been trying to do it twice a week, but I …

Momentum Bump

I'm watching the new episode of say yes to the dress and there's a girl on that has lost 120 pounds. The first thing I looked at was her arms. They were thin! I have hope. I hate my arms. Besides my belly, I think I am most self conscious about my arms. I won't elaborate, everyone will stop reading.

At any rate, her huge amount of weight loss made me think about the lap band. I watched The View this morning and a football player had lost a bunch of weight with the lap band. They had a doctor on the show with one and she showed how it worked. So I decided to look up how fat you have to be to qualify to have it and how much it costs. I found out that you have to have a bmi of 40 or more to get it, and that I have a bmi of 30.9. This is actually great news. When I did a fitness test a few years ago at 24 hour fitness they said my bmi was something like 39. I'm kind of excited about the improvement. Although, I am kind of sad that I can't do something that significant.…

Weekend Fail

I decided that I was going to allow myself a weekend. I've been doing really well for awhile on watching my points and I fear that if I'm too rigid that I will lose my steam and stop altogether. So I took this weekend off. I had some pretty unhealthy food, but I also didn't go completely crazy.
Friday I had a salmon sandwich and beer battered fries. You can't go to the Raccoon Lodge and not get the beer battered fries. They're completely amazing. Then yesterday I went to Roake's and had a deep fried coney hot dog and fries with my family. Today Paul wanted pizza buffet and I didn't have the heart to veto him because he didn't get a day off of work this week. I hit the salad first at least so I didn't eat as much pizza. Overall I don't think I did as bad as I could of. But it probably wasn't within my weekly points allowance. At least I have four more days to make up for the weekend of mayhem!

I went walking two miles around the nike campus w…

I feel like a grown up!

Today Paul got paid. So when I got up this morning, I showered and got dressed and then came out to the desk to pay the rest of the bills. I put some money in savings for the next round of bills and for the ridiculous amount of car work that we need to get taken care of, and then I figured out how much we could afford to go grocery shopping. Then we went to costco. Samples are the devil because you  justify it being just a couple bites and then you have no idea what you're actually eating. I had a chunk of apple strudel that had all the criscoey deliciousness of the typical costco pastry. Then I had a chip with guacamole on it, and they had the most amazing salmon bites you've ever tasted. I had to try very hard not to buy them. They were not WW friendly by any stretch but they were sooo good. After shopping we bypassed the costco dogs for some happy hour sushi and made our way to cash and carry where we were delighted to find that soups were on sale!

If I haven't raved ab…

Successish

I managed to survive the weekend without having to scratch any of my days from my point tracker. Woo! I did manage to eat about 25 of my extra weekly 35 points on Saturday though. And I didn't go out. And nobody came over. Basically, I hosted a girls night from some friends from my cohort last Wednesday and they all bailed on me. They were going to make it up to me by coming Saturday, but then they bailed again. Leaving me with a ton of prepared food. So I ate myself sick with upset. Fortunately it was baked sweet potatoes, hummus and carrot chips and little smokies. I hadn't even gotten to the kale salad I was going to make, or the baked jalapeno poppers. Who needs friends right?

Last night I went to bartini with the choir folk. That place is a weight watchers death trap. There's no way to know how many points are in your drinks and the food sounds healthy, but probably is not as great as you wish it is. I managed to get through with just one martini (pepper infused vodka…

Lifelong Wisdom from Dr. Oz

I've read two of Dr. Oz's books now (he co-wrote them with another Dr. but Dr Oz is more famous). Anyway, I'm a very cause/effect logical scientific sort of person and I like to understand how things work to make them function better. Just ask me about the anatomy of singing sometime. Well, don't if you don't want to hear all about how to breathe properly and resonate in your pharynx. I only charge $20 every half an hour for this information! haha! At any rate, Dr. Oz's books have been the most helpful in understanding how your body processes and relates to food. So I wanted to share this with people because it's logical and it's for the long term and it's not about weight, it's about health. And that's what's really important. If it was healthy to be obese, than more people would embrace it right? But it's not and that's why I like how he approaches lifestyle.

Enough of my jabbering. Here's the link to the Full Article.

And …

WW Relief

The thing I really love about weight watchers is that it lets you make mistakes. Not only that, it gives you a safety net to rely on in case of emergency. Last night I had a girls night which ended up being just two of us. That was all we needed apparently because I had a fabulous time hanging out with Heather. After my second glass of Sake, I kind of lost my motivation to update my food tracker. I was plenty motivated, however, to walk to the cute little bar across the street where I had beer and jalapeno poppers and french fries.

This brings me back to my relief in what weight watchers allows me to do. I've been pretty good about tracking what I eat each day and I've started getting used to the portions and the sorts of foods that are more conducive to the point system. I got up this morning, made one of my breakfasts that I know what I'm eating, and sat down to assess the damage from my night of debauchery. It's actually not so bad. Weight watchers gives you set amou…

Sign of Success

I can get my recently saudered wedding ring on and off without having to use water or lotion. I haven't been able to do that since it was done about a month ago. This means my finger is skinnier. Yay!

Saturdays

This may become a reoccurring theme on my blog.
"I can't believe what I ate this Saturday!"Perhaps I will make it a theme post entitled Saturdays.
Anyway, this is the second week that my Saturday has been an eating disaster. Here is the story:

I had to reschedule all my voice students to Sunday so I could attend the all day "retreat" (aka really long rehearsal) for the Portland Symphonic Choir. I didn't write in my calendar that the time had changed, so I ended up getting there at 9 instead of 10 when it was actually going to start. I had eaten a high fiber toaster muffin with a veggie sausage patty and a slice of cheese - we're talking probably 10 grams of fiber here in this breakfast - so I was really not hungry enough to search for a snack. So I went for a 45 minute walk. It was kind of a treat because I love the neighborhoods in southeast Portland and I don't really walk over there since I don't live there. Anyway, I was so proud of my really g…

Persistence Pays

So, I managed to reach my goals last week and I lost 1.8 pounds. Which is as good as two for me because it changes the main number on my tracker. This makes 12 pounds total (in 10 months) and thus I only need to lose four more to get back to what I'd lost originally. If I keep this up and lose around 2 a week, I will be back to where I was and only need to lose another 3 to get to 10%. This is my goal by November. We'll see.

This brings me to my next revelation. I realized this week that every time I set goals for myself with my eating and exercise I make them very specific. This likely stems from my volleyball days where my coaches spent a good amount of time helping us learn to set measurable and attainable goals and then into my teacher days where my advisor/professor helped us learn to write specific measurable objectives for our students. This is a great skill if you're trying to teach kids to identify a perfect 5th or are working on the perfect serve. But I see now th…

Epic Fail!

Okay, maybe not epic. I always forget which oil to use in baking - vegetable versus canola. Unfortunately I used canola, and the brownies I was so excited about having (I even worked out my points to have the tiny chunk I could afford) kind of suck. Paul likes them just fine so he can eat the whole pan. But lame! I wish I hadn't used my five points for something so unsatisfying. I kept thinking it was because I used the spray and that the brownie nearer the middle would be better. That may have been true if I hadn't mixed it into the batter! Duh!
The good news is that we got chocolate peanut butter ice cream at fred meyer and walked to fred meyer to get it. So I got a fifteen minute walk in and could feel it in my thighs when we got back. Perhaps the 6 points per serving isn't so bad if you have to walk half a mile to get it. I have a feeling that it's going to be a taunting monster in my freezer though.

Good Day

Today is the fourth day of my previous goal setting. So far, not terrible. Saturday was kind of a let-down because my mom's birthday party was a bunco party and thus swimming in bowls of candy and ice cream. I was good with the ice cream, but bad at the toquitos and really bad at the candy dishes on the tables.
So I just wrote disaster on my tracker for that evening and decided to start over on Sunday.
It's really hard to go out places because you really have no idea what you are consuming. I ate a polenta cake with goat cheese and wild mushrooms last night which was probably the healthiest option on the happy hour menu where I was at, but I think it may have been fried, and I'm not sure how fatty the gravy was that was all over it and extra delicious. It's amazing how many points things are when you actually find out too! I had baked popcorn chicken for lunch today and a little handful - maybe 10 small pieces - was 8 points! I so did not expect that. I thought maybe 5 f…

Best recipe ever!!

I saw this on Rachel Ray and I've made it twice now.

Ingredients
2-4 frozen, peeled bananas
a splash of whipping cream or half and half
any other frozen fruit you feel like

Blend it all in the blender and behold all fruit ice cream!

I added frozen figs this time around and it's awesome. I imagine strawberries or apricots or blueberries would be amazing as well! And it's a bowl of frozen fruit. No sugar, not nearly as much fat as real ice cream. Good times!

Realization

I went to my weight watchers meeting last night and I realized something. When I eat things I know are going to sabotage my efforts I feel a sense of rebellion and control. It's as if I'm saying to myself, "I'm in charge of what goes in, and if I want cake, then I'm going to have it because I'm the one that decides." It's gotten to the point where I don't even stop and think about how I'm supposed to feel guilty about having had it. I feel entitled. The problem is, this form of self empowerment isn't helping anyone and it's not proving anything except that I have no self control.

I realize now that what I need to do is to be better than that. I have a huge arsenal of knowledge when it comes to nutrition and how your body functions. I know more about how your body processes a calorie and absorbs nutrients than most people. With knowledge and age supposedly comes maturity. In this case, maturity is when you know better and you make your c…

Gaining

I just weighed myself and I've gained more weight. I thought my jeans felt kind of tight, and it's nearly impossible to get my wedding ring on and off. Then again I was weighing myself after changs and cake. I realize that with the stress of moving, I haven't been eating all that well. And usually when I don't eat well, at least I stop and think about my portions. But today I ate a hot dog (about 12 points on ww), a milkshake at Burgerville (probably about 10 points), changs - and I usually do good, but I totally wasn't thinking today - so probably 30 points - and then I had cake - about 8 points. Where did my diet go? I even had TWO pieces of cake. I put sesame oil on my food and had noodles both times! These are things I've been better about in the past so that I was at least maintaining the weight I lost. Part of it is rebelling against having to be aware of what I eat, but part of it is that I'm just not thinking. Rebellion is not worth being fat.

Tomorr…

Wedding Planner Success!

I've decided that perhaps being a wedding planner is good for my weight loss. You work a 12 hour day, you're walking and running all day long, you don't have time to eat, and then you sleep really well. Not good for every day though. I have cuts all over my feet from my shoes and cuts inside my legs where they rubbed together and my ankles feel like they're revolting.

My house is starting to look more like a house. Starting. In the midst of throwing this wedding, I've been trying to finish moving. There's still tons to do, but I can almost see my kitchen counters at least. I peeled a potato and shredded it with my mixer attachment and made hash browns with a fried egg. My first time using my stove and cooking real food in my new kitchen!

Now I just have a bunch of errands to run and then symphonic choir rehearsal tonight. Sushi for dinner! Yay Sad thing is that tomorrow ends my trial at the yoga college and I can't afford to keep going until I get some income…

Stairmaster - Posh I Say!

I think I climbed up and down the steps to my apartment no less than 50 times today. Given that there's about 20 steps, that's about 1000 steps I did. Not to mention the carrying things each way and the unloading them into the new place. Even though my low-cost trial at the yoga college will be over soon, I don't feel guilty about missing today. I'm so tired! Moving is a freaking huge amount of exercise!
The downside is that I consumed so many calories (chili-cheese fries at Carl's Junior anyone?) to probably blow an entire day of exercise out of counting. Tomorrow is a new day.

Redecorating

I decided to make my blog pretty. The photo is one I took in my voice teachers garden. I really like it for some reason. I also figured out how to look up color hex codes to make the colors more interesting. These colors make me think of yoga and relaxing. So they shall hopefully inspire!
I also added a bikini goal to my bucket list.

Fear and Loathing the Scale

I haven't weighed myself for probably a week now. It's usually the first thing I do when I get up in the morning (after I relieve myself of extra water weight of course). I kind of think I want to wait until I go to WW this Friday to find out how bad the verdict is. I tried to pack less food and healthier food than I normally do for camping. Although you can only be so healthy when you're camping. A whole package of pinwheels doesn't help. - on a side note, Paul ate half my pinwheels and a whole bag of chocolate chip cookies and I guarantee you he'll lose this week the bastard! - But I didn't eat the entire time. And that's usually what happens when you don't hike or fish or bike or swim or play. I did visit the Austin hotsprings though, so that was an activity if not very active.
At any rate, I made small strides.
I had meant to go to yoga tonight. I really miss it. The thing with yoga is that I get really really frustrated when I'm there. I can'…
I hate being fat. I hate trying to not be fat. I hate the process. I hate that it never has an end result. I hate not being able to afford the things that work. I hate it.

2 steps back

What a 3 day weekend. There were far too many calories by alcohol. And far too much neglecting of the yoga class. I mentioned that I danced at Darren's dirty thirty. Sunday Paul and I went to my parents and freed my piano for the vortex. The poor dear thing needs to be completely refinished and the panel that's above the keyboard cover and holds the music stand is completely broken. It may need some reconstructive surgery.
Yesterday I kidnapped Coover and Frannie and took them to the sakery. I think SakeOne is probably one of my favorite places to just be. It's an adorable facility, there's a cute porch and a cute picnic area. A really cool japanese mural painted on the side of the factory. It's just lovely. Problem is that I have made no effort to establish the number of points that sake costs. I kind of feel like there are some things that I just want to enjoy without having to worry about my weight all the time. Sake is one of those things. Then again, I kind of …

Dancing Queen!

I went out last night for Darren's dirty thirty. I watched a UCF fight for the first time, and that was interesting, but actually fun to my surprise. During some of the fights I had to sit on the floor because the room was full. I am such a nerd because I kept shifting to try to get a good stretch as long as I was down there. I didn't get to go to yoga yesterday at all and I won't get to go today either. So I amused at myself because I kept wanting to stretch all day. Afterward we went to Puffs. I was totally surprised when I went to dance and I found myself able to stay on the floor longer than I could before and while my thighs felt the burn - yeah, I have to drop it like it's hot or it's pointless - it wasn't nearly as bad as it was last time I went dancing. Yoga has given me more dancing skills! Oh, and when songs said to bend over to the front and touch your toes, I could do it. And I wanted to do it so I could stretch haha!
I put my Sigg bottle in the freezer yesterday to take to yoga class and I forgot about it. Unfortunately I forgot about it longer than I should have. Ice is mean!

I had my WW meeting today. It's nice to have a group of people that are supportive and encouraging. Even if you only see them once a week. I have 9 pounds to lose to get my 10% goal. November will be a year that I've been going to Weight Watchers. I think I'm going to make it my goal to lose the 9 pounds by then. If I can't lose 9 pounds in 3 months, I guess I'll have to rethink my goals and what weight loss really means to me. I've been trying to lose this same weight though since January. It's kind of stupid actually that I'm dragging my feet this much. I think I need to start by going to get another sigg bottle.

Bucket List Inspired by Jami!

My old friend Jami from Pacific is going to be my anti-fatty blog buddy I think :) We've been following each others blogs and she had a great idea to make a bucket list of things she'd like to be able to do in her life. I think this is a great idea. So here is my list of things I'd like to be able to do as a healthy person:

- Get pregnant and half the cutest belly jutting from a thin frame.
- Get through a workout without thinking to myself how fat I am and how this is going to help me not be.
- Be able to go for a run without feeling like I'm going to die.
- Be able to get through a yoga class without my feet hurting.
- Rockclimb
- Play softball again.
- Teach my kids (whenever they get here) to eat in a healthy way (instead of to self medicate)
- Be able to play with my nephews and my future kids at things that require more physical activity like hikes or sports games or running in circles!
- Not die of or battle heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, etc...
- …

Oh So Emo

I debated about going to yoga. It's one of the only days that they offer the late class, and I really wanted to go for that reason. But about an hour beforehand, I just really didn't feel like going. I also didn't drink any water to prepare for class first. And I lost track of time and started to make cake. So, when I saw what time it was, I decided that yoga was a better choice than cake. The class was really small, and it was an instructor that I really like. I started out pretty strong, but I was having a really difficult time focusing because I kept being distracted by how fat I am. Part of it was that there was this lady I haven't seen in classes before there that was skinny and gorgeous and had the best legs I've ever seen. She looked like she was probably in her late 40's. It was depressing to feel less attractive at 25 than this woman twice my age. I noticed that she was struggling with some of the poses and that made me feel slightly better. But then t…

And again

Went to yoga today at 4:30 instead of my usual 8:15 time (they only offer that time M,T, & Th). I've been trying the other times of the day to see what I like better. 9am is somewhat crowded, 6:30 is really crowded and really really hot. 4:30 today was fairly roomy and ridiculously hot, but that's because the instructor didn't know how to use the fans. It actually really sucked because I couldn't do near as much because I was too hot, so she opened the doors, which cooled it off, but too quickly. Then she figured out the fans right after which completely dried me off. So I was really hot, but the burning itchy kind of hot rather than the warm wet kind of hot. Which makes any contact to your skin rather painful. But I did get through the class. I didn't get emotional. I was very okay with allowing myself to just endure the heat lying on my back instead of pushing myself through the postures. And I wasn't angry for not pushing myself harder. Overall, it was a…

Hatha Yoga postures

I got this off of the website for the yoga place I go to. I also found out on their website that they have a free class on the first Saturday of the month at 11am. I have to teach at that time at Beacocks, but perhaps in a month or two I will be done there and can take some people if they want to go.

Hatha Yoga Postures Standing Deep Breathing Half Moon Pose Awkward Pose Eagle Pose Standing Head To Knee Pose Standing Bow Pulling Pose Balancing Stick Balancing Separate Leg StretchingTriangle Pose Standing Separate Leg Head To Knee Pose Tree Pose Toe Stand Pose Dead Body Pose Wind Removing Pose Sit-upCobra PoseLocust Pose Full Locust Pose Bow PoseFixed Firm Pose Half Tortoise Pose Camel Pose Rabbit Pose Separate Leg Stretching Pose Spine Twisting Pose Blowing In Firm Pose

Pushing onward

I didn't get to go to yoga yesterday because I didn't really plan very well. So I was glad to get to go today. On a day like today, yoga is the only thing that gets me off my couch. At any rate, I went to the late class, which I think is my favorite the more I go to different class times. It's less hot and less crowded. It was led by someone different than I expected, but I liked her so it was good. I'm starting to realize that even though every class is the same, the instructors can really make a difference in how hard I push myself. I pushed today. The standing series is an hour long and it's meant to build strength and balance. I have a very difficult time with some of it because my feet start to hurt really badly. I asked her about this after class and she said that it was very normal and that I just needed to build strength in my feet, which would come with time. I tried to work through the pain as much as I could, but I had to stop and massage my feet out aft…

Suck

I was so excited to go to yoga this morning. I didn't get to go yesterday because of work, and I've been kind of sore so I was looking forward to stretching some of my soreness out. I got there on time, and there was even a really pretty song on the classical music station on the way there. I put my mat down early and sat outside the room to wait for class. I went in to lay down and acclimate to the heat. People were still coming in and getting ready for class. When I stood up to start, I found that a woman had put her mat directly in front of mine so I couldn't see what I was doing in the mirror at all (very important). I figured I'd trudge along and do the best I could. But then I realized further in that the people next to me were so close that I couldn't stretch without being distracted by trying not to hit them. The class was kind of full. The distraction started to make me angry and then I started getting frustrated with my limited ability to do the poses pro…

Because status updates aren't enough

I've decided that I want a better outlet for chronicling my various ventures into getting skinny. Most people that know me are aware that I am always working on this. So I'm going to attempt to spare the people I know all the details whenever I see them by writing them down here instead. We'll see if that happens!

Mostly right now I just want to talk about Bikram Yoga.
I started the monthly low cost trial on Monday last week. I started that day at the 8:15 evening class. I made it through, but spent the majority of my time just standing there on my mat trying not to throw up or pass out. The room is heated to 105 degrees. This makes it kind of difficult the first few times. After class I felt really exhausted and refreshed at the same time. You sweat like CRAZY and there are so many toxins leaving your body, even if all you do is stand there and breathe.
I went again at the same time on Tuesday night. I didn't get the sick or dizzy stuff again and I did each pose once e…