Monday, September 28, 2009

Sign of Success

I can get my recently saudered wedding ring on and off without having to use water or lotion. I haven't been able to do that since it was done about a month ago. This means my finger is skinnier. Yay!

Sunday, September 27, 2009


This may become a reoccurring theme on my blog.
"I can't believe what I ate this Saturday!"Perhaps I will make it a theme post entitled Saturdays.
Anyway, this is the second week that my Saturday has been an eating disaster. Here is the story:

I had to reschedule all my voice students to Sunday so I could attend the all day "retreat" (aka really long rehearsal) for the Portland Symphonic Choir. I didn't write in my calendar that the time had changed, so I ended up getting there at 9 instead of 10 when it was actually going to start. I had eaten a high fiber toaster muffin with a veggie sausage patty and a slice of cheese - we're talking probably 10 grams of fiber here in this breakfast - so I was really not hungry enough to search for a snack. So I went for a 45 minute walk. It was kind of a treat because I love the neighborhoods in southeast Portland and I don't really walk over there since I don't live there. Anyway, I was so proud of my really good breakfast and my really good walk. Then lunch happened. My friends wanted to go to thai, which I could have been in control with, but the place was closed so we ended up with barbeque. I thought that ordering a smoked fish plate would be the healthiest option. And it would have been except for the cream cheese and the baguette brushed with butter and toasted. I tried to help matters by asking for a box as soon as my food got there so i couldn't eat what was in front of me. It didn't really help. Salmon is really high in points in spite of what most may think. All those fatty acids are great for you, but they are still FATTY acids regardless of their health benefits. So I had hoped to reel and just not eat much for dinner.

This would have been an okay remedy to a somewhat disastrous lunch except that the same friends invited me over for Amadeus and cosmo night. I decided to throw caution to the wind and to just enjoy the food and the company. I had two rum and cokes, probably more brie than anyone should have - it had an amazing fig and brown sugar sauce baked over the top, which was my own fault because I made it - a sausage dog, and some bruschetta. Besides the brie, these options are fairly within reason on weight watchers given that you hadn't had a pretty bad lunch already and that you didn't eat 10 points of brie!

Anyway, I sat down and did the math and figured out that my day came out to almost 60 points of food. That's about twice what I get to eat each day. This is a bad habit considering I had the same nightmare last weekend with my mom's birthday. I need to figure out how to not be a diet snob and to still be able to enjoy going to parties. I know better than to think it's reasonable for me to not eat the food when I go. I know myself better than that. There's no way I can resist a table full of taste sensations. Perhaps if it's only one day a week it's not so bad. I'm already thinking about trying the same figs with the brown sugar cut in half and split with splenda over goat cheese or low fat cream cheese - this would be so much more point friendly! But still not the same.

But I really really really really want to have my one year anniversary with Weight Watchers be a success. It's like going to a class reunion. You want to prove that you accomplished something. Even if it's only to yourself.
The good news is that I lost 1.8 pounds last week in spite of my candy dish/ice cream/party food bunco party mishap. So I may stand a chance of losing that much again this week if I keep the rest of my week within reason! It's just amazing how fast a day can go awry if you're thrown too many curve balls!

Persistence Pays

So, I managed to reach my goals last week and I lost 1.8 pounds. Which is as good as two for me because it changes the main number on my tracker. This makes 12 pounds total (in 10 months) and thus I only need to lose four more to get back to what I'd lost originally. If I keep this up and lose around 2 a week, I will be back to where I was and only need to lose another 3 to get to 10%. This is my goal by November. We'll see.

This brings me to my next revelation. I realized this week that every time I set goals for myself with my eating and exercise I make them very specific. This likely stems from my volleyball days where my coaches spent a good amount of time helping us learn to set measurable and attainable goals and then into my teacher days where my advisor/professor helped us learn to write specific measurable objectives for our students. This is a great skill if you're trying to teach kids to identify a perfect 5th or are working on the perfect serve. But I see now that I have to give myself more wiggle room to succeed in this respect. For months I've set goals about walking 20 minutes four days but nothing about my eating. Or that I had to track everything without allowing myself to have days where I just had to start over. My goals last week were simply to walk, and track the best I could. I did both of those things, and it felt really good to get results.

So for this week, I'm going to have the same goals. The only difference is that I'm going to challenge myself to do a better job of tracking how much water I drink and then to drink more water. I think I probably drank more than I wrote and that's why this is another goal this week.

New goals:
1. track
2. walk
3. track water better

On another note, I only walked 3 days last week. I'dl ike to get to where I'm walking continuously for at least 30 minutes, but I'm not going to do that until I get in the habit of going at all. I ended up walking to the grocery store two of those times. Yesterday I got to my choir retreat about an hour early without realizing it. When I called a colleague in the choir to make sure I was at the right place, she pointed out to me that no one was there because it didn't start for another hour. Initially my first reaction was, "oh well, I'll sit in my car and drink my coffee then" but then I thought, "this is such a cute neighborhood and I love looking at the houses, I'm going to walk for 45 minutes." And I did, and I didn't stop at the grocery store. And my legs were tingling during warm-ups haha! I think these kinds of opportunities will be what helps me be successful.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Epic Fail!

Okay, maybe not epic. I always forget which oil to use in baking - vegetable versus canola. Unfortunately I used canola, and the brownies I was so excited about having (I even worked out my points to have the tiny chunk I could afford) kind of suck. Paul likes them just fine so he can eat the whole pan. But lame! I wish I hadn't used my five points for something so unsatisfying. I kept thinking it was because I used the spray and that the brownie nearer the middle would be better. That may have been true if I hadn't mixed it into the batter! Duh!
The good news is that we got chocolate peanut butter ice cream at fred meyer and walked to fred meyer to get it. So I got a fifteen minute walk in and could feel it in my thighs when we got back. Perhaps the 6 points per serving isn't so bad if you have to walk half a mile to get it. I have a feeling that it's going to be a taunting monster in my freezer though.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Good Day

Today is the fourth day of my previous goal setting. So far, not terrible. Saturday was kind of a let-down because my mom's birthday party was a bunco party and thus swimming in bowls of candy and ice cream. I was good with the ice cream, but bad at the toquitos and really bad at the candy dishes on the tables.
So I just wrote disaster on my tracker for that evening and decided to start over on Sunday.
It's really hard to go out places because you really have no idea what you are consuming. I ate a polenta cake with goat cheese and wild mushrooms last night which was probably the healthiest option on the happy hour menu where I was at, but I think it may have been fried, and I'm not sure how fatty the gravy was that was all over it and extra delicious. It's amazing how many points things are when you actually find out too! I had baked popcorn chicken for lunch today and a little handful - maybe 10 small pieces - was 8 points! I so did not expect that. I thought maybe 5 for the amount that I had. That's almost a third of my points for the day! But that's what I wanted to eat, so I used the points to have it. I ate a banana so I got some fruit at least. But even bananas are 2 points! Everything counts, even if it's healthy. Which is kind of lame, but at least I'm paying attention.
I have to say that it's extremely hard to stay on track when you can't afford food. I was able to buy a few odds and ends for produce with what few dollars we had left. I had intended to go do a full shop last week, but after I went to costco and shopped for birthday presents I realized I had no more money left to hit winco. So I've had to be very creative. Spaghetti squash is really good by the way, and a very cheap way to get veggies into your traditional pasta dishes. I was kind of surprised because I usually can only do squash in cream sauces or baked into bread. I'm going to attempt to make a pumpkin pasta sauce when I can afford to buy more groceries. I saw a jar at Williams Sonoma for $15! There's no way that making it can cost that much! But it sounds good so I'm going to attempt it.

I finally took a walk today. I hadn't gotten it in yet, but I forgave myself yesterday because I spent two hours cleaning at my old apartment and it was work! Our new place is in a much better location for walking since it's right next to a high school. Unfortunately I can't use their track because it's a private school, but there are sidewalks and some niceish areas to walk around. Come rain and snow, there's a 24 hour fitness room that has an eliptical and a treadmill that I can resort to. But I am trying to remember to get in at least some basic exercise. Good times.

Best recipe ever!!

I saw this on Rachel Ray and I've made it twice now.

2-4 frozen, peeled bananas
a splash of whipping cream or half and half
any other frozen fruit you feel like

Blend it all in the blender and behold all fruit ice cream!

I added frozen figs this time around and it's awesome. I imagine strawberries or apricots or blueberries would be amazing as well! And it's a bowl of frozen fruit. No sugar, not nearly as much fat as real ice cream. Good times!

Saturday, September 19, 2009


I went to my weight watchers meeting last night and I realized something. When I eat things I know are going to sabotage my efforts I feel a sense of rebellion and control. It's as if I'm saying to myself, "I'm in charge of what goes in, and if I want cake, then I'm going to have it because I'm the one that decides." It's gotten to the point where I don't even stop and think about how I'm supposed to feel guilty about having had it. I feel entitled. The problem is, this form of self empowerment isn't helping anyone and it's not proving anything except that I have no self control.

I realize now that what I need to do is to be better than that. I have a huge arsenal of knowledge when it comes to nutrition and how your body functions. I know more about how your body processes a calorie and absorbs nutrients than most people. With knowledge and age supposedly comes maturity. In this case, maturity is when you know better and you make your choices based on knowing better rather than on struggling against knowing better. I.E. "I want cake, but I know that cake has lots of sugar and fat and carbohydrates that will give me more energy than I need and thus will become fat when I eat it. So I'm not going to have cake because if I do, that fat is going to store itself and release toxins into my blood stream that cause diseases in my body that make my quality of living less than what I envision for myself."

So, this is my plan. I made this announcement at my meeting. The one about having more maturity and self control than a 6 year old that wants whatever they want no matter what! There is a lady at my meetings that kind of struggles with the same thing - why feel guilty about Ben and Jerry's when it's so freaking good? - and we decided to share our trackers next week. Which means I have to track. Which means she has to track. And tracking means that I have to know what I'm eating. Scary!

My two goals this week are:
- write down EVERYTHING that passes through my lips
- walk 20-30 minutes a day

Next week I'll add in some yoga to this, but for now I want to be completely successful at my goals. I haven't really done this yet. Not in 10 months of weight watchers. It's time.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


I just weighed myself and I've gained more weight. I thought my jeans felt kind of tight, and it's nearly impossible to get my wedding ring on and off. Then again I was weighing myself after changs and cake. I realize that with the stress of moving, I haven't been eating all that well. And usually when I don't eat well, at least I stop and think about my portions. But today I ate a hot dog (about 12 points on ww), a milkshake at Burgerville (probably about 10 points), changs - and I usually do good, but I totally wasn't thinking today - so probably 30 points - and then I had cake - about 8 points. Where did my diet go? I even had TWO pieces of cake. I put sesame oil on my food and had noodles both times! These are things I've been better about in the past so that I was at least maintaining the weight I lost. Part of it is rebelling against having to be aware of what I eat, but part of it is that I'm just not thinking. Rebellion is not worth being fat.

Tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping so I can stop this fast food binge! I was even thinking to myself how all the exercise I've been getting should be so beneficial. Um...not when you eat 50 points a day! I need to recover my lifestyle! And, I need to start earning some income so I can go to yoga. I really really miss it and I haven't had time to go (2 weeks I've missed now). *sigh* It's $15 per session if you don't buy a package. This is not cheap if you go a couple times a week. And I really want to get to where I can work 2-3 times a week into my lifestyle. My body misses it. I can tell every time I start to even remotely stretch something that my body embraces the work I started at yoga and wants more. But first, I have to lose this 10 pounds I gained back and get back on my eating track. Seriously!!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Wedding Planner Success!

I've decided that perhaps being a wedding planner is good for my weight loss. You work a 12 hour day, you're walking and running all day long, you don't have time to eat, and then you sleep really well. Not good for every day though. I have cuts all over my feet from my shoes and cuts inside my legs where they rubbed together and my ankles feel like they're revolting.

My house is starting to look more like a house. Starting. In the midst of throwing this wedding, I've been trying to finish moving. There's still tons to do, but I can almost see my kitchen counters at least. I peeled a potato and shredded it with my mixer attachment and made hash browns with a fried egg. My first time using my stove and cooking real food in my new kitchen!

Now I just have a bunch of errands to run and then symphonic choir rehearsal tonight. Sushi for dinner! Yay Sad thing is that tomorrow ends my trial at the yoga college and I can't afford to keep going until I get some income.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Stairmaster - Posh I Say!

I think I climbed up and down the steps to my apartment no less than 50 times today. Given that there's about 20 steps, that's about 1000 steps I did. Not to mention the carrying things each way and the unloading them into the new place. Even though my low-cost trial at the yoga college will be over soon, I don't feel guilty about missing today. I'm so tired! Moving is a freaking huge amount of exercise!
The downside is that I consumed so many calories (chili-cheese fries at Carl's Junior anyone?) to probably blow an entire day of exercise out of counting. Tomorrow is a new day.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I decided to make my blog pretty. The photo is one I took in my voice teachers garden. I really like it for some reason. I also figured out how to look up color hex codes to make the colors more interesting. These colors make me think of yoga and relaxing. So they shall hopefully inspire!
I also added a bikini goal to my bucket list.

Fear and Loathing the Scale

I haven't weighed myself for probably a week now. It's usually the first thing I do when I get up in the morning (after I relieve myself of extra water weight of course). I kind of think I want to wait until I go to WW this Friday to find out how bad the verdict is. I tried to pack less food and healthier food than I normally do for camping. Although you can only be so healthy when you're camping. A whole package of pinwheels doesn't help. - on a side note, Paul ate half my pinwheels and a whole bag of chocolate chip cookies and I guarantee you he'll lose this week the bastard! - But I didn't eat the entire time. And that's usually what happens when you don't hike or fish or bike or swim or play. I did visit the Austin hotsprings though, so that was an activity if not very active.
At any rate, I made small strides.
I had meant to go to yoga tonight. I really miss it. The thing with yoga is that I get really really frustrated when I'm there. I can't hardly do half the poses properly because of my own body being in my way. But I can tell that it's made a difference. I frickin chopped wood this weekend. Like with a giant axe and everything. I chopped through a small tree trunk that had fallen down and I hauled a bunch of dead wood to use for kindling. Mountain Woman! But on previous trips, I wouldn't have bothered, and the novelty of it would have worn off with my fatigue way sooner. I feel stronger. Of all of the exercise endeavors that I have ventured on, I have never really felt stronger. It's kind of weird actually. As much as I keep telling myself that I just have to be patient with myself, I should really start to believe it. Because in spite of how lame I feel compared to the other people in my yoga class, I'm at my personal best. Which is great!

In spite of all of this positivity, I ate McDonalds tonight (I had a coupon okay!) and completely spaced going to my yoga class. I was so mad because I didn't go last night due to being tired from camping. I was gung ho to go today. But I forgot. So I made Paul go on a 20 minute walk with me. At least I got some exercise. I also realize now why I have not gone on 20 minutes walks in my neighborhood. There are no streetlights on our street. It's so dark you can't even see the ground in front of you unless a car goes by! Perhaps the new apartment will have better evening walking conditions.

Moving should be some good exercise. I've kind of given up on the whole eating thing. I get annoyed right now at even having to try. I don't get the smug sense of accomplishment when I've chosen the healthier option. I'm annoyed more than anything. So activity is my saving grace right now until I feel less bitter about what I should eat. Strangely enough, I was watching a tv show about crazy women on crazy diets, and the raw foods diet sounds like it's not so bad. Well, actually, it sounds like a hell of a lot of work and effort just to make food that you can eat. But what you actually end up consuming sounds really good. I was thinking maybe I would do raw food just one or two days a week. Just so that I could feel like I was getting something healthy to compete with the justification of McDonalds on other days. You have to juice and blend and dehydrate lots though. I could deal with liquid diet days, as long as they were consistant. Hell, blending a smoothie for a meal is tons easier than trying to figure out what to cook for dinner most nights. I think this is something I may try to pursue after I'm employed and moved though. Right now would just make it a chore rather than a help.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I hate being fat. I hate trying to not be fat. I hate the process. I hate that it never has an end result. I hate not being able to afford the things that work. I hate it.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

2 steps back

What a 3 day weekend. There were far too many calories by alcohol. And far too much neglecting of the yoga class. I mentioned that I danced at Darren's dirty thirty. Sunday Paul and I went to my parents and freed my piano for the vortex. The poor dear thing needs to be completely refinished and the panel that's above the keyboard cover and holds the music stand is completely broken. It may need some reconstructive surgery.
Yesterday I kidnapped Coover and Frannie and took them to the sakery. I think SakeOne is probably one of my favorite places to just be. It's an adorable facility, there's a cute porch and a cute picnic area. A really cool japanese mural painted on the side of the factory. It's just lovely. Problem is that I have made no effort to establish the number of points that sake costs. I kind of feel like there are some things that I just want to enjoy without having to worry about my weight all the time. Sake is one of those things. Then again, I kind of feel like this is allowing food to control my emotions and thus control me. Not so good. I really hate having to think about it so hard. There are people that are perfectly healthy that don't have to think so hard about being so. It gets to be very frustrating. After sake, we went to Coovers and made a lovely dinner. Frannie and I tried to make up for my missed yoga class by doing yoga in the yard while Coover cooked the steaks. It probably wasn't nearly as effective as going to class, but it was something!

I was going to go to yoga today, but I decided that I just wasn't up for it. I will definately go tomorrow regardless of my feelings towards it. I did get a bit of exercise from packing today. I was going to call the complex we applied to, but I decided to just stop by on my way home. I went in to ask about whether he'd found an apartment for us closer to our moving date (October). He said he hadn't, but he had one we could move into now. I was a bit upset at first, but he worked it out so that our first month is free, and he discounted our deposits. So now we have the entire month of September to move, and I can start teaching students out of our house sooner. We can start moving next week. I wasn't really planning on moving next week though, so I started packing when I got home today. So far I have some of the kitchen done and a few boxes of books and odds and ends. But it occurred to me how much work this is really going to be. It's not just moving for me this time. It's completely reorganizing and reprioritizing. Hopefully this will be the last place we live before we buy a house. Problem is, that we need to pay off our debt before we buy, which will probably take anywhere from 5 to 10 years. I don't want to live there 5 to 10 years with a bunch of stuff that's just waiting for another closet in a house. It just feels silly to me to own stuff just to own it. So basically I have many Craigslist ads to post and many trips to Goodwill in my future. At any rate, this large distraction might be a bit difficult to deal with as far as my exercise routine. Then again, moving in and of itself is exercise.

I haven't weighed myself in a couple days. I think I'm going to avoid it for awhile. I base too much of my mood on what my scale says. I know I'm getting more tone and definition regardless of my scale. I must find hope and happiness in this fact!