I've realized that I don't really care about my weight loss lately. I was in my bathroom and it occurred to me that I haven't had any desire to use my scale for a couple of weeks now. I usually weigh myself every morning before I get in the shower. It was like a little self esteem boost because I weigh the least first thing in the morning. Anyway, I've sort of lost my momentum. I don't really care either way how my weight watchers weigh in goes lately. Honestly I'm kind of happy in this state. It's nice not to have this drama. I have been trying to at least be aware of what I eat, even if I'm not writing it down or stopping myself from eating what I shouldn't have. But I figure it's better than nothing. I've been extremely bad about walking too, and I didn't even realize it until this afternoon. I haven't been walking in probably about two weeks. I did walk about half a mile yesterday to get my lunch yesterday though, but it's not nearly as much as I should be walking. I'm kind of tired of trying to set these goals all the time though. My zeal is dead. I don't care if I better myself. I don't care if I'm thin. I don't care if I'm all that healthy as long as I'm not inconvenienced (I do care about this gigantic knot that's been riding my shoulder blades however...).
Perhaps I need more to live for then. Given I have my private students and my family and friends to care about, but this subbing gig is the most disconnected work I can think of. I don't know if I"m working from day to day. I don't have time to learn any kids names to care at all about what they do or how well they do it. I'm basically an overqualified babysitter. At least it's a paycheck. Not much of a motivational job though. I'll admit the prospect of being unhealthy and pregnant isn't appealing. But it's at least a year or two down the road before I have to be all that worried about it. I feel like my current quality of life is not all that affected by my health. Any suggestions for a shot in the behind to get me motivated again? I've never been in this state before. I'm too uninterested to care and I can't ever remember a time when I didn't feel horrible about being fat.