I went to my weight watchers meeting last night and I realized something. When I eat things I know are going to sabotage my efforts I feel a sense of rebellion and control. It's as if I'm saying to myself, "I'm in charge of what goes in, and if I want cake, then I'm going to have it because I'm the one that decides." It's gotten to the point where I don't even stop and think about how I'm supposed to feel guilty about having had it. I feel entitled. The problem is, this form of self empowerment isn't helping anyone and it's not proving anything except that I have no self control.
I realize now that what I need to do is to be better than that. I have a huge arsenal of knowledge when it comes to nutrition and how your body functions. I know more about how your body processes a calorie and absorbs nutrients than most people. With knowledge and age supposedly comes maturity. In this case, maturity is when you know better and you make your choices based on knowing better rather than on struggling against knowing better. I.E. "I want cake, but I know that cake has lots of sugar and fat and carbohydrates that will give me more energy than I need and thus will become fat when I eat it. So I'm not going to have cake because if I do, that fat is going to store itself and release toxins into my blood stream that cause diseases in my body that make my quality of living less than what I envision for myself."
So, this is my plan. I made this announcement at my meeting. The one about having more maturity and self control than a 6 year old that wants whatever they want no matter what! There is a lady at my meetings that kind of struggles with the same thing - why feel guilty about Ben and Jerry's when it's so freaking good? - and we decided to share our trackers next week. Which means I have to track. Which means she has to track. And tracking means that I have to know what I'm eating. Scary!
My two goals this week are:
- write down EVERYTHING that passes through my lips
- walk 20-30 minutes a day
Next week I'll add in some yoga to this, but for now I want to be completely successful at my goals. I haven't really done this yet. Not in 10 months of weight watchers. It's time.