Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Despair

I'm beginning to feel like this is a lost cause. I can't get to my weight watchers meetings anymore. I have been steadily gaining weight rather than losing it. I can't maintain the lifestyle required to be at a lower weight. As badly as I want to, it's just not who I am. I am not someone who eats healthy all the time or exercises as often as I should. Is that so bad? Yeah, probably.

I've never known what it's like to not be overweight. I've had glimpses in the past from when I've lost too much weight too quickly and then gained it back when I couldn't maintain the lifestyle. Perhaps I might have to come to terms with the idea that this is how my body is going to be. Perhaps I just need to honest with myself. I can't seem to overcome my own selfish urges when it comes to food. I can't stop justifying what I eat. I keep excusing myself and telling myself to do better the next day. And I keep wondering, when am I going to wake up and have that be the day that I don't make excuses for myself? 

Despair sets in.

2 comments:

  1. Don't feel that way! But if that's what you decide - I think you look great! You have the perfect little shaped face that I am so jealous of. I have the kind of face that carries weight - so I look even fatter! I think you are totally adorable - don't feel so down on yourself! One day, the motivation will find you. Until then, be happy with who you are. You have a great husband, a beautiful voice, and a college degree (unlike me, lol). Be proud of what you have!

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  2. Don't forget about the boots - and the pretty New Years dress!! ;)

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