Skip to main content

Despair

I'm beginning to feel like this is a lost cause. I can't get to my weight watchers meetings anymore. I have been steadily gaining weight rather than losing it. I can't maintain the lifestyle required to be at a lower weight. As badly as I want to, it's just not who I am. I am not someone who eats healthy all the time or exercises as often as I should. Is that so bad? Yeah, probably.

I've never known what it's like to not be overweight. I've had glimpses in the past from when I've lost too much weight too quickly and then gained it back when I couldn't maintain the lifestyle. Perhaps I might have to come to terms with the idea that this is how my body is going to be. Perhaps I just need to honest with myself. I can't seem to overcome my own selfish urges when it comes to food. I can't stop justifying what I eat. I keep excusing myself and telling myself to do better the next day. And I keep wondering, when am I going to wake up and have that be the day that I don't make excuses for myself? 

Despair sets in.

Comments

  1. Don't feel that way! But if that's what you decide - I think you look great! You have the perfect little shaped face that I am so jealous of. I have the kind of face that carries weight - so I look even fatter! I think you are totally adorable - don't feel so down on yourself! One day, the motivation will find you. Until then, be happy with who you are. You have a great husband, a beautiful voice, and a college degree (unlike me, lol). Be proud of what you have!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Don't forget about the boots - and the pretty New Years dress!! ;)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 10

I got some much needed me time today. My mom came with me to look at countertops for the kitchen remodel that feels like is never going to happen and then took the kids so I could go to my chiropractor appointment without them. I love my mom.

I have been really stressed about our moving timeline, the start of school, and the money tied to all of it. I feel a bit paralyzed right now, there's not much I can really do until there's a bunch to do at once. It makes it kind of difficult to really enjoy my last few days of summer. So does not eating ice cream. Or anything that gives me joy.

I took advantage of the little bit of "me time" and went to Costco to replace the mass amounts of fruit my kids eat. (yes, I spend my "me time" grocery shopping) I'm already starting to dread having to feed them when they're teenagers. It was a bit more brutal than I had anticipated. Who the hell decided to put the pastries right next to the produce?! Really?! I could h…

Day 3

Today reached 106ºF outside. We don't have air conditioning. It sucked.

We stayed in to avoid the heat and left the house in the afternoon for my chiropractor appointment. I made sure to pack whole30 friendly snacks for me and the kids and took a very large cup of ice water.

I got my results from my x-rays last week and the scoliosis that was under control a year ago is back with a vengeance. (Yay for a year of having no time whatsoever to schedule an adjustment!) The good news is that it's treatable. The bad news is that treatment is expensive and I don't know if I can afford it. Yay stress.

After a very very long appointment at the chiropractor, I decided we should beat the heat at Ikea. We're in kind of a limbo period where I can't really do much to prepare for moving yet, but the Ikea kitchen planning tool online has kept me feeling like I can do something while we wait and I had some questions about cabinets anyway. It's therapeutic. But, yet another sourc…

Why Whole30?

I'll consider Monday my trial-run (although this proved a bit devastating for Charlotte). I didn't realize that pasture butter was only okay if clarified (milk solids are a no-no) and that pretty much all bacon has added sugar.

I procured the book from the library and dug in. Let me just say, this book feels like it was written by real people. There's a whole chapter dedicated to walking you through how you'll probably feel from day to day and I really like that. It reminds me of pregnancy books that tell you how your body may change each month and how your baby is growing. It's helpful to have an idea of how you may react to the changes and why.

"Day 4 to 5: Kill all the things  ...You walk into the kitchen and, upon being greeted by the smiling face of your significant other, you are suddenly overcome with the desire to punch them in the face for being so darn cheerful this early in the morning." They know me.

Having done every diet under the sun and sw…