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Day 9

"By this point, the newness of the program has worn off...You're still struggling to establish a new routine (you are so. tired. of. eggs.) and while you've been trying really hard to have a good attitude, today you are incredibly aware of all the foods you're "choosing not to eat right now"

This is for days 10 and 11 but it applies early for me. I'm so lucky.

Today was a bit easier because I didn't leave my house. I ate my eggs, which definitely helped with my cravings today, had leftovers for lunch, and managed to have a pretty easy time figuring out food for my kids all day. Archer ate 3 apples. Normally I keep them in a basket on a ledge, but he keeps climbing up and snagging them. Better than crackers I suppose.

Dinner hit some hurdles. The plantains I had planned to eat weren't ripe enough and I'd already marinated and started baking the pork by the time I figured this out. I sent Paul to the store to find riper ones but neither store he went to had them any more ripe than the ones I already had. Cue sad trombone. I was tempted to just give up and open up a can of black beans. But I reluctantly ended up putting the avocado salad and pork over salad greens. It worked out, but it wasn't what I had wanted. I felt pretty disappointed about it actually.

Both kids ate most of their dinner after we bribed them with one piece of candy. Archer tried to put his tomatoes and lettuce in his water cup to hide them. He didn't get candy.

We have to pack anyway so I packed as much of the "contraband" food up into boxes so they wouldn't be a constant issue with the kids. This helped a lot today.

Still, I couldn't help feeling resentful of Charlotte because she had cereal for breakfast at the neighbors after spending the night. I don't even like cereal all that much. I was also kind of annoyed when my husband wanted chips for his lunch and went so far as to dig them out of a taped up box to get them. He's been really supportive of me and of having the kids on the program with me. Still, I wish he wanted to join us completely. And it feels like he thinks he has to hide what he eats that we aren't eating. But, ultimately, this program is about regaining control over your own eating habits and about wanting to feel better. Nobody can want that for anyone but themselves.

I also struggled with feeling like my entire existence revolves around food. It feels like a very first-world whiny problem. But still, I spent the better part of my day in the kitchen making food, cleaning up after making food, and thinking about what to make next and when to make it. It also feels very unfair that the burden of all this cooking falls squarely on my shoulders for me and my kids for all meals on all days. It would be nice to have a day off.

I feel like I'm learning a lot about parenting and patience with my kids through this journey. Even though both kids have been driving me absolutely batshit crazy the last week, they're still eating much better than they did before we started. Archer ate his scrambled eggs with no complaint this morning. Charlotte ate all of her meals today without protest. Progress is slow, but it's progress!


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