Monday, October 4, 2010

Road Block

I've been feeling rather apathetic lately about being on the weight loss wagon. I had such a milestone with losing a pant size and I thought that perhaps it would push me to keep going. But I feel myself becoming more and more complacent.

Got my hair cut today. Notice that it hides the second chin?
I haven't tracked my calories in weeks. I should probably do this soonish. I also haven't really been keeping up on my running (sorry Christy) I just don't want to do it at all. I dread it actually.

To top it off I added 10 seconds to my time trial for dragon boating yesterday. My time in May was about 1:51. My time yesterday was 2:01, making me the third slowest female paddler on my team. I really wanted to prove that I could keep up with the rest of the girls. I don't want to give up on it, but my zeal for proving myself is a bit dampened given my inability to perform.

The only thing that's got me a bit interested in my health at the moment is all the food for fall. I love fall food. Apples, squash, pumpkins, spices, warm crock pot creations. I'm totally ready to start cooking, and I'm even more ready to make it all super healthy. I feel like fall is when I trade in the ease of fruits and salads for summer meals for the warm hearty vegetables and rich flavors of fall. Actually, I spent today cleaning my house and making chicken stock out of leftover bones from a roasted chicken Paul bought for dinner last night. I can't remember ever having made home-made chicken stock!

As far as the lack of interest in exercise or progress I'm debating about whether to just push myself through it and run the risk of hating everything I do to take care of myself, or to continue my break and just hope that my zeal returns and I hit the ground running. Literally.


  1. Just going to throw in a bit about the time trials. It's not a fair comparison to simply say that your time was 10 sec slower than last time. Not a SINGLE girl improved their time. Only crazy people, like my boyfriend, actually improved time from last time trial :-) The water conditions were totally different (especially if you went during the make up day in the spring!) and the range of time difference from spring to fall for girls ranged from 4 seconds to 30 seconds slower than the spring time trial. So, don't beat yourself up over it! The important piece was.. did you feel stronger? Do you remember how extremely hard it was to even paddle 250m by yourself in the spring? And how did you feel last weekend? I bet it didn't feel nearly as hard. Right? So, that's what you have to go by...

    P.S. Love the new hair.

  2. Beth,

    I totally hear you on the disappearance of motivation. I haven't done anything active in almost a week and have also fallen prey to the bounty of fall. And, with every day that passes, I feel my progress and my self-esteem slipping through my hands. I don't want to go back to fat and lazy Colleen. I like the Colleen that climbed to the top of Mt. Hamilton with hardly breaking a sweat. I feel like I was in the process of reinventing myself but now look at me back here on the couch with my iced mocha and pumpkin cookies! It's like the angel on the one shoulder is saying, "come on Colleen you're capable of so much more than this! You're so much happier when you're active and eating healthy!" then the devil on the other shoudler is there to say, "What!...screw this healthy crap! You're not that person! You're not the person who willingly goes for a jog or chooses water over soda! Life is too short to deny yourself everything you love that makes you happy. Ok, maybe exercise does make you feel good but you can get back to it tomorrow. Yeah right, tomorrow, you're not going to do anything tomorrow. Just give up. And while you're at it go get another pumpkin cookie!"

    When I started exercising 6 months ago I promised myself I wasn't going to set those huge goals. You know the ones that either are so unrealistic they're unattainable (i.e. taking one golf lesson and start mentally preparing myself to join the LPGA) or so far out there, time wise, that I inevitably lose heart and give up (i.e. jogging two laps on the track and set my sights on running a half-marathon)

    So I guess what I mean is I've been trying to take it one day at a time (like a 12-step program) and the reality of it is, yeah, I haven't done anything for 5 days. But, tomorrow is another day and.....I'll let you know.

  3. aw thanks for the words guys! Jenny, yes I did feel stronger! I was paddling on a lack of sleep as well. And thanks for loving my hair :)

    Colleen I so identify! One day at a time seems to be the way to go.