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Lost my Will to Care

I'm lying on my couch this morning contemplating everything I have to do today and it pops into my head "I should go do the elliptical before I have to go do anything" And then my next thought is, "Meh, I don't feel that terrible in my shorts."

Truth is, yeah I do. And the other truth is that right now I don't really care. A year ago I weighed 5 pounds less than I do right now and I was a bit more toned. Two years ago was the same. Who am I really kidding? The reality is that I will probably not change and no number of small victories has made any difference in my weight.

So, for today, I'm just going to be happy with how I am. I'm going to eat when I'm hungry. I'm going to exercise when I want to. And I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

On a much less dismal note, I've decided that since I'm unemployed and we'll probably be broke all summer, I'm going to find some bike trails and hiking trails, I'm going to make a list of them, and we're going to tackle them one weekend at a time. Not because it's "the healthy thing to do" or because it's "exercise", but because I enjoy it.

Stop trying and start doing.

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