When I got home and weighed myself I wasn't surprised to see that the scale was moving up instead of down. I figured I'd gain some back from what I lost on my cleanse, but I didn't expect to see it continue to move up.
Tonight was frustrating. After the market I went to meet my family at Red Robin for dinner to celebrate my nephew's birthday (I had to miss his party because of the market). On the drive there I contemplated what I should eat and narrowed it down to two possible choices. I looked over their gluten free menu offerings when I got there and chose to get the bruschetta chicken sandwich just without the bun.
While we were waiting for food I decided to download the livestrong app to see if I couldn't get a better idea of why I'm not losing any weight. I feel like I've really cut down on my portion sizes and considering the number of calories I've refused in avoiding wheat and gluten I thought there had to be something I'm missing. I put in my food for the day into the app and discovered that according to their calculations I've been eating far more calories than I should for weight loss. No wonder. Red robin fries and honey mustard dressing didn't help.
It was about then that my meal came: a sad greyish piece of chicken patty with fake grill marks covered in melted cheese next to a pile of wilting lettuce. In the middle of the plate was a heaping plastic cup of "garlic aoli" which is a fancy way of saying mayonnaise. I took one look at the plate and gave it back to the waiter saying I wasn't hungry anyway. This was the item suggested in their gluten free menu. I expected at least a tomato or something. So I sat guzzling water while everyone else enjoyed their meal. Even though I really wasn't hungry it was still frustrating to sit on the verge of tears not participating in the act of eating, and more frustrating that I felt like I had gotten a handle on my diet and wasn't even close.
I've hit my wall. I'm tired of being this size, I'm tired of being tired. If I have to eat nothing but carrot sticks and kale to get my fat ass to look good in a pair of jeans I will do it. I will run, I will sweat, I will not eat. End of story.