Alright, when I wrote my last post I had hoped that this post would talk about how I started carrying Truvia packets in my purse and how I'd found naturally sweet alternatives to my refined sugar friends. Instead I humbly report that I've failed again. As of today I've somehow managed to gain 5 pounds as well.
This is bad. This is really bad.
Last summer I watched a marathon of Biggest Loser. I decided to make it a tradition. Nothing is quite as motivating as watching people twice my size work twice as hard as I do. The problem is that I sit there watching with tears in my eyes as these people work to make it happen for themselves and the reality is that I'm still sitting. I'm still having my mental hang ups. I'm still not believing I can do it, and I'm most definitely still stuck.
I was thinking about the nature of exercise and it's purpose. Exercise is meant to keep us healthy so we can do more of the things we want to be able to do. Play with your kids, have more energy, have fewer health issues so that you're not stuck being sick all the time. It improves your quality of life. The problem is that my quality of life (for the most part) right now low enough to motivate me to work to improve it. If I want to go for a walk I can do it. If I want to play with Charlotte, I can do it. I don't long to be able to go for a run. I don't have any friends that I wish I could go hiking with or any other activity that requires some level of fitness. It's really all about looks and self esteem for me at this point and that's just not good enough. I will choose to wallow in self pity every time.
What does motivate me is competition. Dragon boating taught me that. I worked hard to get better because I wanted the respect of my team and my coach and I wanted to be given the privilege of participation in races. I wanted something. So I worked for it.
So I need something that challenges me the right way. I need someone to tell me I'm not good enough to win. I need something that kicks my butt so that I want to defeat it. Call me rebellious I suppose. Something about being underestimated pushes me like nothing else.
Since I don't have a sport to play right now, I thought that maybe I could compete with my friends instead. Here's what I'm thinking:
Each person contributes $10 (could be more) into a pool of cash. We could choose to win the pot of cash, or to use the cash for a prize item or trip or something - it has to be something for you that you want, not for your kids, not for your husband. In order to win you'd have to lose a certain amount of weight (say 10 pounds?) or a percentage of your body weight first - or we could do something like consecutive days working out or logging meals. Something along those lines. We'd have to have somebody to vouch for us that we did what we were supposed to. Anyone interested?!