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Subtlety and Self Doubt

The last few days I've been in this weird limbo state where I'm second guessing how well I'm doing with this whole dieting thing. I've been here before. Finally I'm starting to feel a sense of equilibrium about my eating habits. I don't overeat, I eat pretty healthy for the most part and I'm not feeling deprived. And yet I have this doubt in the back of my head that anything that feels this maintainable must not be enough.

The media is so inundated with ads and personalities that promise huge losses in a short amount of time.   I can't watch tv without seeing an ad for a diet program or a weight loss pill. There are a few gems like Biggest Loser and Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition that, although the participants are expensively supported, do offer some realistic ideas about what it takes lose large amounts of weight. I still tend to feel a bit of a disconnect from them however because a) I don't have hundreds of pounds to lose, and b) running is out.

As often as I've vowed never to do any kind of crash dieting again, it's not always evident that I'm doing the right thing. My results so far have been very subtle. I may lose one or two pounds in a week, but my weight fluctuates so much during the day that it's often hard to tell if I've actually achieved a loss or not. Right now I weight myself all the time and if I ever get a number that's lower than the last one I record it. Somehow this feels like cheating.

This brings me to the concept of dieting. When I did weight watchers they stressed constantly that I was not on a diet but in the process of a lifestyle change. I never felt much peace with this. Anytime I have to choose a salad over a cheeseburger I am most definitely on a diet. And when food takes up more time than the actually moment I'm preparing or eating (aka looking up foods to keep a food log) - also very much a diet.

Tracking with weight watchers was a pain in the butt. Tracking with lose-it isn't so bad. It doesn't feel as much like an inconvenient chore. I think I've been conditioned to think that success equates to being uncomfortable or irritated by what I'm doing. So now since I'm not either of those things I keep getting this feeling that I need to be doing more so that it is. Self torture much?

So it seems my obstacle at this point is myself. Rather than tell myself that what I'm doing isn't good enough, maybe I need to finally give myself a break and a pat on the back. Keep it up self!

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