Skip to main content

Getting Positive

I'm not sorry to report that I've just polished off an english muffin topped with Kenny & Zukes pastrami and a few slices of smoked sharp cheddar. Not sorry at all. Actually, it was pretty much amazing. What I am sorry about is the bowl of ice cream I ate a couple hours ago followed by a piece of bread from Great Harvest. I wouldn't feel so bad except that before I went and got myself my bowl of ice cream I thought to myself, I don't even really want it, I just know that it's there and thus I'm going to have some.  Halfway through eating it I stopped enjoying it, and I should have just tossed the rest. But I didn't.

I'm watching extreme makeover weight-loss edition right now. The girl on the show is about 300 pounds overweight and has come up with every excuse in the book to sabotage herself. As I'm listening to excuse after excuse it's really easy to see that none of them hold water and eventually she's going to have to deal with her demons and just effing do what she's supposed to do. So why do I let myself make the same excuses? What her trainer is finding is that her biggest obstacle is positivity. When she gets positive she succeeds. Perhaps I need to take some of this away for myself.

Last week was an interesting adventure in hormone-land. Typically when I hit my pms wall it's a couple days of extreme depression followed by the insane cravings for chocolate and salt and then I wake up completely fine and wonder why I was ever so crazy. All-in-all it's about 3 or 4 days of nuttiness. This last round completely caught me off-guard. I was super tired and lethargic, (the humidity doesn't help) and not too depressive as far as I could tell. I got a call Thursday morning that I'd missed my physical therapy appointment. That's when I hit my low. I ended up crying on the phone because I felt bad for missing it and because I really wanted to go. My therapist called later in the evening to chat and talk about my appointment next week and it was all I could do to keep it together.

My therapist wanted me to e-mail her my food journal every day and I was doing it with the lose-it app. Problem is that when I knew I wanted to just have a day off the books (like my anniversary) I just wouldn't log anything. Giving myself that wiggle room has always been a problem. As soon as I stop tracking, I stop tracking. I'm going to talk to her at my next appointment about how I can do better and about doing my exercises at the gym instead of at home since they pretty much never happen at home.

I'm going to get past this! Right now I'm teetering between 191 and 192 lbs. I'm going to make it my goal to get under 190 in the next 10 days. This means I have to not only track my meals, I have to actually stay within my calorie ranges and get my exercise in!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Day 10

I got some much needed me time today. My mom came with me to look at countertops for the kitchen remodel that feels like is never going to happen and then took the kids so I could go to my chiropractor appointment without them. I love my mom.

I have been really stressed about our moving timeline, the start of school, and the money tied to all of it. I feel a bit paralyzed right now, there's not much I can really do until there's a bunch to do at once. It makes it kind of difficult to really enjoy my last few days of summer. So does not eating ice cream. Or anything that gives me joy.

I took advantage of the little bit of "me time" and went to Costco to replace the mass amounts of fruit my kids eat. (yes, I spend my "me time" grocery shopping) I'm already starting to dread having to feed them when they're teenagers. It was a bit more brutal than I had anticipated. Who the hell decided to put the pastries right next to the produce?! Really?! I could h…

Day 3

Today reached 106ºF outside. We don't have air conditioning. It sucked.

We stayed in to avoid the heat and left the house in the afternoon for my chiropractor appointment. I made sure to pack whole30 friendly snacks for me and the kids and took a very large cup of ice water.

I got my results from my x-rays last week and the scoliosis that was under control a year ago is back with a vengeance. (Yay for a year of having no time whatsoever to schedule an adjustment!) The good news is that it's treatable. The bad news is that treatment is expensive and I don't know if I can afford it. Yay stress.

After a very very long appointment at the chiropractor, I decided we should beat the heat at Ikea. We're in kind of a limbo period where I can't really do much to prepare for moving yet, but the Ikea kitchen planning tool online has kept me feeling like I can do something while we wait and I had some questions about cabinets anyway. It's therapeutic. But, yet another sourc…

Why Whole30?

I'll consider Monday my trial-run (although this proved a bit devastating for Charlotte). I didn't realize that pasture butter was only okay if clarified (milk solids are a no-no) and that pretty much all bacon has added sugar.

I procured the book from the library and dug in. Let me just say, this book feels like it was written by real people. There's a whole chapter dedicated to walking you through how you'll probably feel from day to day and I really like that. It reminds me of pregnancy books that tell you how your body may change each month and how your baby is growing. It's helpful to have an idea of how you may react to the changes and why.

"Day 4 to 5: Kill all the things  ...You walk into the kitchen and, upon being greeted by the smiling face of your significant other, you are suddenly overcome with the desire to punch them in the face for being so darn cheerful this early in the morning." They know me.

Having done every diet under the sun and sw…