Sunday, May 27, 2012

Life Changing?

The other night I was listening to the Dave Ramsay program on my way home from teaching. He had a couple about Paul's and my age that called in to make a debt free scream. He spent a pretty substantial amount of time stressing the point that these people have lived in self induced poverty for two years to get themselves out of debt and now not only will they spend the rest of their lives being in control of their finances, they now have the live experience that gives them the confidence to push through difficulties knowing that they have the strength to do this.

Usually listening to happy debt free people makes me feel kind of bitter. But the commentary had me re-contemplating the healthy lifestyle journey.

Just like getting out of debt, getting healthy can either be something I struggle with off and on for the rest of my life, or it can be something I conquer now so that I can enjoy the rest of my life. If I get the weight off now, I'll be able to do it again the next time I have baby weight to lose because I'll have the experience of having done it before.

I was thinking about one of the times I successfully started to get my weight down. I remember feeling so good about myself and so confident. I try not to let my weight dictate my self worth, but I definitely feel better about myself when I feel better in general.

This is all great in theory. The next step is to do something about it. This is the hard part. What do I do about it? What is the right way? What's healthy? What's going to last? Experience tells me that there's more to it than I keep thinking there is. Experience tells me that it's going to take me getting more fed up with my state than I am. And that's the sad truth. I don't hate how I feel enough to really put myself through another diet and the mediocre attempt at exercise isn't really helping me. If anything I've been eating more because I justify it since I went to a zumba class.

Perhaps the first step for me then isn't to change anything but to come face to face with the reality of my lifestyle. It could be that what pushes me to really change things are the cold hard facts. So I'm going to make an attempt to log my food again. I'm not going to change what I eat, but I am going to be honest with myself about how out of control my diet has gotten so I can begin to make adjustments.

This time its not about kicking my ass, its not about forcing myself to get in control, its not about calories or clothing size or weight. I'm not on a diet, I'm not doing it anyone else's way. I'm not doing a method or a trick. It's about doing things my way. Doing things in a way that works for me and fits who I am. This time its about changing the rest of my life.

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