Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Get the Ball Rolling Again

For me loneliness = eating. And nothing feels more lonely than having my husband work 12 hour swing shifts and all my friends moving an hour away from me. Literally. All of them. No wonder I've been feeling the urge to procreate. I want to exploit my children for company.
At any rate, I need to figure out how to remedy this eating issue. I'm hoping that when my schedule gets back to normal next week I'll be back on a schedule and thus able to renew my routine.

In the meantime, I went to the mall today in desperation to have some social experience, even if it's with strangers. I got myself some new running shoes. They're black and pink Nikes. I have plans to get that little shoe insert that syncs with your iPod. Then I'll be able to track my progress better and set some different goals.

Shop Nike for Shoes, Clothing & Gear. Start shopping now at www.nike.com
Check out the
Nike Air Pegasus+ 26 Women's Running Shoe
I found at Nike online


Here's the shoe insert stuff:
http://store.apple.com/us/product/MA365LL/E/Nike-iPod-Sport-Kit?fnode=MTY1NDA3NA&mco=MTM3NDk5MDA

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Recovery

Well, it's over. And I'm sitting on my couch right now in my pajamas eating through my pile of chocolate whilst planning my trip to Outback where I will guiltlessly eat my fair share of a bloomin' onion. Yes I'm aware of what is in a bloomin' onion. I don't care.

Running was a bust over the last week. I managed to run two days while the family was here, but I think the day that I ran in the rain killed my immune system. I haven't been able to breathe through my nose for about 4 days. That's really all that's wrong though. Once that's gone I'll be back to 100%. The good news is that my super hubby bought me the perfect push-up. They're these swivel handle things that you use to do pushups with. It helps take the pressure off your wrists. Anyway, I felt the need to use them immediately and my arms, chest and low belly have been pretty sore for a couple days. So now I have something I can combine with my running.

I've been trying to shop a bit for new running shoes. I went on runningshoes.com and they told me I needed ugly old lady running shoes. I guess having low arches (or none at all)  means I have to wear shoes with really wide soles to keep my ankles from rolling. The problem is that the only shoes I've found that have this feature aren't cheap. The site also said that if you have a shoe that's working for you, just buy the same shoe. I would do that because I love my new balance shoes, but they don't make them anymore. That's how long it's been since I've bought new athletic shoes. I might invest more effort into my shopping ventures this week.

I am looking forward to continuing my running venture, but I'm afraid I might need to take a break from weight watchers. I love going to my meetings and I love the program, but the problem is that I don't really do it like I should and I'm too lazy to fix the charge error on my credit card so that I can keep going. I'm going to take a 1-2 month hiatus and start going back again in February or March at the latest. I think it will be good because it's starting to get easy to ignore both the guilt and encouragement I get from the program. I think with a break I might be a bit more refreshed and ready to hit the ground running with it. As it is, I've been spending $8 a week for them to tell me what I weigh, and that's about it. This is too much money to be spending on something I'm not really trying to do very well. I just don't want it badly enough right now, and haven't for about 6 months. It's time for a break.

So onward with my exercise program and onward with my mild control over my eating!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Tough Times

So, with this holiday business, I feel like I've been doing fairly well, I missed running two days, but I ran two days since Saturday. When you get busy I guess it's hard to remember if you've even kept track of your diet and exercise. I ran yesterday in the rain. I think this might have been a bad call on my part. My throat isn't coping so well and I woke up in a cold sweat this morning. Perhaps that turbo-jam might be the way to go until the weather clears up. At least if I don't want to get sick anyway.

I was contemplating my eating as of late as well. You know, when you do actually make changes to your lifestyle rather than your eating it really makes a difference. We went to chinese the other night and I could hardly even touch my food. I really wasn't hungry. I remember getting the exact same meal several months ago and devouring it. I had to get a box to take it home almost as soon as she served it to me. The other thing I've noticed to is the holiday parties. Normally when there's appetizers set out buffet style I end up grazing until I feel ill. But the last two times I've had this option I've managed to control myself. Good stuff man!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Plugging Away

Well, the last couple of days have been some good and some bad. I had healthy subway for dinner last night which was good, but we're so low on groceries lately that I ended up eating a bowl of stove top cornbread stuffing for lunch yesterday. The bad part was when I got home. I ate a bunch of corn chips and a bowl of cereal. There are worse things I suppose.
I missed my run the last couple of days but I got it in today. I didn't do the two laps that I should have because it started raining and I wasn't dressed for it. That and I didn't want to keep running haha. But I did something  and that's good.
The fam is here and I think running is the right answer.

I skipped my weight watchers meeting yesterday so I didn't get to weigh in. I'm thinking it might be good to invest in a weight watchers scale. I weighed myself this morning and I was back down to 176. Then again I wasn't wearing much! My scale at home often is nicer to me than the scale at my meetings. But it's still encouraging to see my weight go down whether it's accurate or not!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Impending Doom!

This thursday, the in-laws are coming to stay with us. Paul's parents arrive here Thursday and will be here until the 27th. I'm very excited to have them stay with us. I've been trying to plan out some food stuff and have been getting the house all ready for them. 

This morning I got up really really early. My dad stayed the night to save on gas and gets up at 6 to go to work. My cat was very excited about this and felt the need to wake me up too...by jumping on my bladder multiple times. He's a sweetie. Anyway, I got up, made some breakfast, clipped the coupons from the Sunday paper and then realized that I needed to go for my run today. And then I looked out the window. Ew. It's pouring down rain and really cold. This is a problem.

The frigid temperatures didn't bother me, but this wet stuff is not okay. And it occurred to me that with the parents-in-law here, running over the next ten days might not work out so well. So I need to come up with a new strategy. The problem is that I really like running. So much so that I don't want to do anything else. I have some exercise dvd's (Turbo Jam!) and I think I might do that, but it just doesn't seem as cool as running. Running gets me pretty worn out and sore with a pretty short amount of time. Two laps, 10 minutes, I'm done. Turbo Jam takes 40 minutes. I don't want to feel like I'm doing real exercise! I need to bust out the "is it really worth it to not exercise the next ten days" argument. And the answer is no. It's not worth it. 

The other obstacle is that as I'm planning for the food that I shall have in the house, I'm finding it a bit easy to justify having things that I probably shouldn't be having. So far on my shopping list, I have a bunch of stuff to make more cookies. This is bad. It's so easy to slip into the mindset where it's okay to eat what you want because it's the holidays and other people are going to be here, and they don't need to be disciplined. So perhaps I should approach this in a more exemplary way. "Try this, you won't believe how healthy it is!" 

If I'm going to be successful through the end of the year, I'm going to have to work for it. Don't you hate that? But if I can do it, anyone can. And even though no one is depending on me, I have to do it for myself. 

Monday, December 14, 2009

Keeping it up

So...
I didn't get to run today :( I had to work sub at two different schools. But I'm going to count the half hour of squats I did to change the flat tire on my car as a bit of a workout. That and the stairs I climbed at Grant high school about 5 times. I won't be too hard on myself. I ate healthy foods today too without even really being aware of it. I had salmon and broccoli and couscous for lunch (leftovers are awesome!) and chicken, acorn squash, and stovetop stuffing for dinner. I think cookies are going to be the death of me though. I made this really yummy batch of almond meringue cookies (about 30 cookies) and Paul and I managed to eat all of them in two days. I think I shared 6 of them with other people. And even though they're made of ground up almonds and egg whites (yay healthy!), there's also a boatload of powdered sugar in them (boo not so healthy). So, I'm going to wait until we have people around more before I roll out the four balls of sugar cookie dough in my fridge. I shall run tomorrow!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Weigh In

Yay! I'm down 1.8 pounds today! Running works! I made it all the way around again today so I think tomorrow I'm going to add a lap of walking in. I might try to run half walk half twice so that I don't die. I think I'm getting faster too because it seems like I'm getting around faster. Woot!

I feel like I need to add in some upper body work at some point, but I don't want to push too hard. So far this exercise is simple and small enough that I can do it every day and I don't make excuses for myself to avoid it. I think if I try to do too much I'll find more reasons not to do it. Which sort of negates my blunt approach. 

Anyway, losing weight is good! 4 more pounds and I'll be back to what I was before the wedding. 4 pounds after that and I'll be at my 10% and thus boots!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Black and White

I've been thinking about what it is that has me pushing myself so much lately. I've already said that I'm equating my health to my work on my singing. And I think it may be more fundamental than that. You either do something or you don't. It's almost like a Dr. Laura approach. For me, I either run every morning and feel good and see drastic results in my body, or I don't and I stay the same. I either eat the sugar cookie and feel a brief sense of satisfaction, or I don't and feel long term satisfaction. I don't feel like I have to be as motivated if I'm this blunt with myself. I have this option every day. I don't have to make exceptions for myself all the time. 

Tomorrow I'm going to dinner with a friend (yay Frannie!) at the old spaghetti factory. We'll see if this tough love theory holds when I go. Perhaps I'll run twice tomorrow to make the choice easier. 

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Pretty!

I am experimenting with blog layouts. So far it's been a little treacherous using different blogger templates, but I think this will work. I'm not 100% satisfied with it as far as the way that it interfaces with the bloggers editing tools, but I like the look.

I wish I could write my own code to make it look exactly how I want it. Oh well.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Running in Circles

I am so thankful for the responses I've been getting lately! Thanks y'all for the ideas and suggestions.
I took a day off from the running yesterday and was able to drag my butt outside today for another lap around the ol' complex. I managed to make it all the way around to the really steep hill, where I walked up, and then ran the rest of the way to my front door. It took about half as long for me to catch my breath when I got back in the apartment too. I just checked the temperature outside and realized I ran in 22 degree weather. If I can run in this, normal temperatures will be cake!

I've added some minor stretching in and it's really helped with the soreness. I haven't entertained the new shoes yet. My ankles seem supported and happy in my shoes now, and my feet don't ache at all, so I might wait a little bit to invest.

It's kind of amusing when I run by the front office because they probably have started noticing my morning lap. It's a weird motivator in a way. If I start doing two laps, they're probably going to notice. If I miss a morning, they'll probably notice that too. I can't disappoint them! Not that they care that much, but it works for me!

I am happy with the idea that the more you do something, the easier it gets. With this new running challenge, I've been mustering up more self control with my eating. I went to a bunco party at my parents friends house Saturday night and it wasn't a disaster. I went in with the intention to not eat anything, and while I did eat, I didn't feel that overwhelming sense of full that happens when there is food out to graze on for several hours.  I also managed to eat mostly vegetables. I will admit that I'm a big sucker for salami, but I did bypass the candy dishes on every table. This is a vast improvement from the last bunco party!

Now the ultimate challenge is to embrace all this as a part of my life now. I have to be relentless about keeping it a daily priority. It's like an epic battle for health! I must win! And I'm damn competitive.

Friday, December 4, 2009

On we go!

Today is day 4 of running. So far I haven't missed a day. This is good. I have a new goal that I can see daily results.
My run at this point is just 1 lap around the parking lot at my complex. I run from my front door around and back to my front door again. Along my run is a longer downhill stretch followed by the leasing office, then a long row of garages (below our apartment) then a short steep hill and a little stretch back to our front door.

Here's how it's gone so far.
Day 1: I got to about halfway down the garages. My lungs ached and I thought I had a cold when I was done. My inhaler wouldn't help.

Day 2: I only got about a quarter of the way down the garages, and my lungs still ached, but not as bad. My legs were sore, but so was my core. I spent the whole day doing things to flex the muscles around my abdomen (like half moon pose in yoga!)

Day 3: Got the end of the garages and thought to use my inhaler before I ran. My lungs ached less. My legs were more sore, and my core was more sore.

Today! Day 4: Made it to the top of the steep hill. My throat didn't hurt nearly as bad and I caught my breath sooner than previously. My legs hurt the worst, but I stretched after and now they have that good ache feeling. When I tried to stand after doing some sitting stretches I had to stretch more to get my legs to support my standing up.

I think I might be able to get through the whole lap by Monday. Then I'll aim for 2 laps. This is more fun than I expected. My attitude has kind of shifted about this too. I realized how hard and long I had to work at my singing, but I am pretty good at it now. And I thought, if I could get so good at something I was completely terrible at, why not my health? I don't know why I didn't make this connection before.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Better

Sorry for the woe is me post. I get really lonely sitting by myself in the evenings with Paul off to work swing. I recharge when I'm around people. When I'm not around people, I get depressed and hopeless and angsty. At any rate, I ended up watching the biggest lose, which I never watch because it seems so unrealistic, and they were challenged to run a 26 mile marathon. And I'm looking at these people who have all lost more weight than me and are still heavier than I am run 26 miles. TWENTY SIX MILES. So I decided to put on my tennis shoes and try to make a lap around my complex parking lot. It's probably less than a quarter mile. I managed to run probably 3/4 of the way but I had to stop and walk after that. The cold combined with my asthma and my bad shape had me feeling pretty awful. My inhaler is kind of old too so it didn't really alleviate my horrible burning lungs and throat. But I did it. And this morning and got up and did it again. My throat still burns, but I'm going to do it again tomorrow too. This is my new thing. If I can just do this every day without fail.

I realized something today as well when I was teaching one of my students. I was telling her how she needed to practice a new skill so she didn't forget how to do it and even now I've lost most of the German I worked so hard to learn. And I realized, getting myself into shape is like learning a language. You have to keep at it your whole life if you want it to be consistent. The second you stop working on it, you start to lose it. That's just how life is. I think I had this realization already before, but it kind of punched me in the face when I had to be the adult and give advice to my student.

So thanks for the kind words. The best thing I've found when I'm lonely is to hear from people that I know care about me, even if they're not here. You have no idea how much it matters.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Despair

I'm beginning to feel like this is a lost cause. I can't get to my weight watchers meetings anymore. I have been steadily gaining weight rather than losing it. I can't maintain the lifestyle required to be at a lower weight. As badly as I want to, it's just not who I am. I am not someone who eats healthy all the time or exercises as often as I should. Is that so bad? Yeah, probably.

I've never known what it's like to not be overweight. I've had glimpses in the past from when I've lost too much weight too quickly and then gained it back when I couldn't maintain the lifestyle. Perhaps I might have to come to terms with the idea that this is how my body is going to be. Perhaps I just need to honest with myself. I can't seem to overcome my own selfish urges when it comes to food. I can't stop justifying what I eat. I keep excusing myself and telling myself to do better the next day. And I keep wondering, when am I going to wake up and have that be the day that I don't make excuses for myself? 

Despair sets in.