Tedium

I'm getting kind of tired of tracking my calories. It's become more tedious than it was originally. I think this is partly because I went three days without tracking. Now it feels like a daily chore.

I have incentives however to continue. I may as well just come out and say that Paul and I are starting to research and learn about having babies. ***WE ARE NOT PREGNANT YET***. (everyone always asks whenever I mention the "b" word) Nor do we expect to be for at least a few months if not longer depending on how things work out. There are several factors to consider such as whether I get this job in the fall, whether we can afford the birth we want right away, where we're going to put a baby, and other things as well. That said, I need to get healthy for any of this to matter.

My biggest concern at this point is that I might have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I've read about four different books that describe the symptoms and I match every single one of them. One of the symptoms is being overweight. The reason people with this problem are overweight is that your body doesn't recognize the insulin levels in your bloodstream and produces more of it. The excess insulin doesn't get used and turns into fat. Thus, even if you're dieting like a superstar it may not make all that much of a difference. The syndrome is also commonly linked with thyroid problems, which I've suspected might be a factor for me before but haven't had it tested. The problem with having this (besides the fat thing) is that it can make it very difficult to conceive.

The good news is that a) I don't know if I even actually have it yet and b) if I do, it's totally treatable.

We scheduled a consultation at a birthing center for next week to get an idea of what a birth would be like there. I'm really leaning towards this option at this point. Just an aside: If you are pregnant or going to be and haven't considered any sort of birth beyond a hospital I strongly recommend you watch The Business of Being Born. If we decide to go with them, I will likely ask them about it and see if they recommend going to a doctor for all of the pre-conception testing since that's all super cheap with our insurance. They may include testing and treatment in their package as well. This could really be the thing that changes my life though. If this is what I've been up against this whole time, no wonder I've had so much trouble trying to lose weight!

So yes, tired of tracking. Tired of being fat. Tired of losing this battle. Going to keep going anyway. And going to find out if there's more I can do to push back!