My Path to Outer Skinniness

Alright, when I wrote my last post I had hoped that this post would talk about how I started carrying Truvia packets in my purse and how I'd found naturally sweet alternatives to my refined sugar friends. Instead I humbly report that I've failed again. As of today I've somehow managed to gain 5 pounds as well. This is bad. This is really bad. Last summer I watched a marathon of Biggest Loser. I decided to make it a tradition. Nothing is quite as motivating as watching people twice my size work twice as hard as I do. The problem is that I sit there watching with tears in my eyes as these people work to make it happen for themselves and the reality is that I'm still sitting. I'm still having my mental hang ups. I'm still not believing I can do it, and I'm most definitely still stuck. I was thinking about the nature of exercise and it's purpose. Exercise is meant to keep us healthy so we can do more of the things we want to be able to do. Play with yo...

My taped up ankle.  About the only thing that is routine for me is my morning weigh in. I'm not gonna lie, I usually tinkle first so I weigh a little less. I always ball my fists to feel how bloated I am while I wait for me digital scale to asses my weight. 188.6 This is not what I wanted to see. Maybe I did have a ridiculously rich chocolate soufflé last night, but I should seriously be down more by now! It wouldn't even be so bad if I could finally fit into my size 14 pants, but that hasn't happened either. An entire wardrobe of useless size 14 clothing waits in a giant plastic bin for the day I finally shrink enough to fit in them. I ate a breakfast of leftover giant sushi, and a lunch of my remaining chocolate soufflé before going to physical therapy. I half contemplated canceling my appointment. But I decided to talk to my physical therapist, Tawnie, about my frustration instead. It occurred to me as I was driving that it's not her fault that I haven't ...

Last night as I was debating about whether to eat more food or not I started to think about the olympics and what the athletes must have to sacrifice in order to reach their goal of olympic gold. There's one commercial in particular that really makes the point that shows the perspective of the athletes as they perform their sports and state how they have not read a book, watched a tv show, or eaten at a restaurant in years. I wanted to post the video but I couldn't find it. I'll post it if I do. My goals may not be as lofty or as difficult as an olympic hopeful. I'm not in any rush to become a great athlete. But I do relate to having something I want - to be a healthy weight. It's something I've wanted for years. Since I was a teenager. For something I've wanted for so long, I certainly haven't sacrificed much to get it. Over and over again I've chosen things that hold me back. Sure, I can have cheese fries once in a great while, but it's not...

The last few days I've been in this weird limbo state where I'm second guessing how well I'm doing with this whole dieting thing. I've been here before. Finally I'm starting to feel a sense of equilibrium about my eating habits. I don't overeat, I eat pretty healthy for the most part and I'm not feeling deprived. And yet I have this doubt in the back of my head that anything that feels this maintainable must not be enough. The media is so inundated with ads and personalities that promise huge losses in a short amount of time.   I can't watch tv without seeing an ad for a diet program or a weight loss pill. There are a few gems like Biggest Loser and Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition that, although the participants are expensively supported, do offer some realistic ideas about what it takes lose large amounts of weight. I still tend to feel a bit of a disconnect from them however because a) I don't have hundreds of pounds to lose, and b) running ...

The picture you see here is of the coney fries at Roake's. I'm sure many have never experienced them, but for those that have, you cannot live knowing your health depends on your never having them again. The fries are skin-on and perfectly chewy and crispy at the same time. The coney sauce is spicy and rich, the cheese is gooey and fatty and delicious. The tomatoes add a fresh light juiciness to the otherwise rich meaty flavor. This to me is the epitome of greasy, grubby, fatty, over-indulgent, wonderful gut-busting food. Everyone has their one dish that completely destroys their healthy eating intentions. I'm sure to some this giant platter of deep fried mush looks absolutely repulsive. But for me, this is my best friend and my worst enemy. My mom, sister, and I have been using the lose-it app for awhile now and it's interesting how we all regard it differently. My mom and I are dieting veterans and take any restrictions on our eating habits with a grain of salt....

I'm not sorry to report that I've just polished off an english muffin topped with Kenny & Zukes pastrami and a few slices of smoked sharp cheddar. Not sorry at all. Actually, it was pretty much amazing. What I am sorry about is the bowl of ice cream I ate a couple hours ago followed by a piece of bread from Great Harvest. I wouldn't feel so bad except that before I went and got myself my bowl of ice cream I thought to myself, I don't even really want it, I just know that it's there and thus I'm going to have some.  Halfway through eating it I stopped enjoying it, and I should have just tossed the rest. But I didn't. I'm watching extreme makeover weight-loss edition right now. The girl on the show is about 300 pounds overweight and has come up with every excuse in the book to sabotage herself. As I'm listening to excuse after excuse it's really easy to see that none of them hold water and eventually she's going to have to deal with her d...

Today I had my first full therapy session complete with workout and stretches. It wasn't too intense because I didn't have my inhaler today but I can see where I'm going to be sore! I have a set of exercises to do at home to start out and then she'll have me doing some work at the gym later on. So far this feels a lot more like having a personal trainer than having therapy. I've been assigned the task of eating 100 grams of protein per day. She gave me some suggestions for foods I can be eating to get closer to this number every day. She's told me how much she likes the app I send my daily reports with. I debated about adjusting the settings to have me lose 1.5 pounds per week instead of 2 which would allow me to have 1500 instead of 1300 calories every day. I decided to keep it at 1300 calories because I tend to go up to about 1500 anyway. If I allow 1500 I'll probably go over that too, so better to stay lower. So far, still good.