tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48426789496245100222024-03-12T19:16:17.314-07:00My Path to Outer SkinninessBethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.comBlogger265125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-44357992108985629862018-01-21T10:13:00.002-08:002018-01-21T10:13:27.173-08:00Round 2 Day 21After my hangover day this last week, I did a bunch of searching to figure out why. There were lots of helpful thoughts and suggestions on the Whole30 forum. I think for me, I probably wasn't eating enough - especially for breakfast. The meal template (which I never even heard of the first round) suggests that your protein at each meal should be the size of the palm of your hand, or fit in the palm of your hand. For me, this means 3 eggs rather than 1 or 2. I also started to add more fat to my meals because I'm supposed to be using a thumb sized amount in each meal. That's really a lot when you think about it. Making some small adjustments to my meals has helped.<br />
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I read through some of my blog posts about going through this the first time around this same time. It's interesting because it wasn't better. For some reason my memory has me believing that 20 days in, I was cruising. I'm so glad I had this record to look back on. It reminds me that it's not as much how I felt while doing the whole30 as much as it is how I felt after. This is an encouraging thought going into the home stretch.<br />
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Even though I'm frustrated, the actual "doing it" - cooking, planning, shopping - is a lot easier and I really haven't craved much. I need to keep this in mind when I get stressed out about the leg work that this takes. Friday night, I tried to get some grocery shopping done when I knew that I would be working all day Saturday. The store I needed to go to was closing and the other store I went to was out of stock on ingredients I needed. Archer was attempting to break the eardrums of every shopper with his whining and screaming. I did myself a favor and went home and ordered groceries online.<br />
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There were some blogs and posts specifically about doing a second Whole30 that I found helpful. They made the point that when you do your first Whole30, it's probably a far more drastic change from how you were previously eating and thus the results are more drastic. I have to admit, I've been pretty annoyed that I'm not noticing the same degree of change as I did last time. My clothes aren't fitting any better than before (given I didn't gain much weight after the last round) and I don't see my body changing the same way. I think somewhere deep down I was hoping to lose another 10 pounds. Rather than seeing this as a change, I think I need to look at it as routine maintenance. I also need to put into perspective, I lost almost 25 pounds the last round. That's still a lot of weight to have lost and to have KEPT OFF. Even with a stressful job. Even with two kids. I shouldn't let the 10 more pounds I'm not losing to rob me of the victory of the 25 I lost before.<br />
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My next steps are to figure out my insurance so I can go to the chiropractor. I think getting an adjustment would really help improve my mood and energy. I'm also going to take some supplements that I had stopped taking - mainly Vitamin D and magnesium. Fingers crossed that the next 9 days go better!<br />
<br />Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-82886844237156861162018-01-16T16:27:00.000-08:002018-01-16T16:27:48.968-08:00Round 2 Day 16I wish this post had as much positive enthusiasm as the last, but it's been kind of a difficult week. I woke up this morning with a mild headache feeling like I had a hangover. I couldn't think straight and just felt worn out. I put in for a sub for the morning and went back to bed. After some cold brew and Tylenol I forced myself to teach my afternoon classes, but I'm tired and still feel the pressure on my skull.<br />
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Yesterday I woke up in a rage. Rage over the grocery shopping I spent the ENTIRE weekend trying to take care of. Rage over the food I couldn't eat to calm the rage. Rage over how I can't control anyone but myself. Rage over the stupidly over-positive encouraging crap in the day-to-day book I've been using. Shut up book! I'm mad and I want to be mad! I don't want to be told how I can fix it! I just want to be mad!<br />
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These seem to be the monologues that keep going around and around in my head.<br />
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<b>Angry Feminist Monologue</b><br />
When did all of the grocery shopping/meal planning/cooking/cleaning/worrying about what everyone eats become my sole responsibility in my family? And why did it get that way? Mostly it got that way because I volunteered and because I care more and am a better cook. But damn if it wouldn't be nice for someone else to worry about my health and to figure out how to nicely cook a meal for me once in awhile. And if I believe this way of eating to be the best, why then should I go against my convictions to plan and purchase food for my family that I know is not going to help them be healthy. Food that, in fact, will make them sick in the long run.<br />
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<b>Failing Minimalist Monoluge</b><br />
If I'm going to the trouble of buying all of this food that we CAN and SHOULD eat, then what would be the point of storing food that we SHOUDN'T. My home should be a reflection of my values. If my values are to eat what is best most of the time, shouldn't the most space in my kitchen cupboards reflect that? Isn't it easier and less mental energy to reject foods that I can't have if I don't have to see them all the time anyway? And if I can't reward myself with food, is it really better to reward myself with stuff? Isn't it just adding to the stuff I already have too much of? FML<br />
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<b>Whole30 Conviction Monologue</b><br />
If I know that this is the optimal diet for optimal energy and growth and the best way to prevent health problems and unhealthy eating habits, it's my obligation as a parent to do best by my kids. So shouldn't I really push to do this for them? I can't make my husband do this for himself (even if I truly believe that he needs to) because it won't work unless he wants it for himself. But I can make my kids do it because it's my responsibility as a parent to take care of them. But it's also really really really difficult to have the will-power for them when I'm struggling to have it for myself. And it's even more difficult when I don't have a partner with the same conviction who honestly believes that this is good for all of us too. I could go to the trouble of finding meals and foods that my kids will eat that are compliant but then I'm spreading myself even thinner (see Angry Feminist Monologue) and it feels really unfair to have this knowledge alone in my family.<br />
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I've been reading the Whole30 message boards and scouring the internet for blog posts to find encouragement. I know that I don't have it as rough as some others. There are people that have done whole30 and been completely sabotaged by their partners - made to feel stupid and small in public because they didn't want to drink, or were belittled for eating "weird". There are parents that HAD to put their kids on this detox because they had severe behavioral or health issues and had to be strong for their kids for very severe and present reasons. I should count my blessings, not the least of which is my ability to afford what I need to eat and to have access to a very wide variety of foods.<br />
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If my first round taught me anything it's that this funk shall pass. But for now, it's very much what I'm experiencing and I'll just have to figure out how to cope without food.Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-83347182130896341832018-01-08T21:14:00.000-08:002018-01-08T21:23:57.204-08:00Round 2 Day 8Today was an important day. Today, just now actually, I realized that my energy levels might be better. Here's a highlights list of things I did today:<br />
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<ul>
<li>got up when my alarm went off - wut?</li>
<li>ate breakfast at my desk rather than at my kitchen counter where I...</li>
<li>updated the opera on tap website</li>
<li>prepped and packed my lunches for the rest of the week</li>
<li>made a phone call I'd been putting off to the dress/tuxedo company </li>
<li>packed and put return dresses in my car to take to the post office</li>
<li>re-taped numbers on my middle school students' chairs (helps me yell at them more efficiently - you go to chair 10!)</li>
<li>wrote a sight-singing exercise on the board 15 minutes before my students showed up (usually doing this when they walk in)</li>
<li>ate kale salad while teaching my class and didn't cave and show a video</li>
<li>updated the lcrmea website</li>
<li>sent an email about solo and ensemble</li>
<li>got my paperwork turned in to set up my account so I could send the email about solo and ensemble</li>
<li>rewrote a solo &; ensemble flyer/registration form</li>
<li>put my laundry away after I got home from work - ALL of it</li>
<li>went for a walk with my kids around the block so they could ride their bikes</li>
<li>graded a million papers including a stack I unearthed on my desk from November (whoops!) at home (I never have any energy to work once I get home)</li>
<li>cooked a whole 30 quality dinner after forgetting last night to pull fish out of the freezer (thank you backup chicken thighs in the fridge! bam!)</li>
<li>cleaned ALL the dishes </li>
<li>cleaned my kitchen counters off - like all the way</li>
<li>made my kids pick up their messes without having an anxiety attack</li>
<li>remembered to tell my kids to brush their teeth and take a bath 90 minutes before they actually had to go to bed so there'd be room for their shenanigans</li>
<li>didn't have a meltdown when I discovered the pile of satin ribbon my son had unraveled on the way to putting him to bed. calmly cleaned it up, had him help me, and explained that we didn't have time now to read a story.</li>
<li>helped a colleague with some solo & ensemble questions <b>while writing this blog post</b>.</li>
<li>also hooked up with a carpool to an acda workshop <b>while writing this blog post.</b></li>
</ul>
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I've been watching a crazy amount of Parks & Rec lately. I am channeling my inner Chris Treager. I am lit'rally getting so much done today. </div>
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Also, I ate kale today... </div>
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Again. </div>
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I'm better than lit'rally everyone I know.</div>
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I think it's working.......</div>
Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-38025098417314335192018-01-05T07:53:00.001-08:002018-01-05T07:53:14.935-08:00Round 2 Day 5I'm five days into my second whole30 and I am thrilled at how much easier it has been than the first round! Here are some ways that it has been better:<br />
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<ul>
<li>I have pretty much memorized what foods I can and can't have this time so it's much easier to shop and plan. </li>
<li>I have a clear plan with my kids that helps me stress a lot less about how to include them. </li>
<li>I established a lot of food routines the first time and can just replicate my breakfast and lunch plans now.</li>
<li>I know better which restaurants I can eat at and how to plan for what I can eat. </li>
<li>I am a lot more gracious with myself because I know I don't have to be perfect to get good results.</li>
<li>I also know that these restrictions will not last forever and that I haven't said goodbye the croissants and chocolate for the rest of my life. It doesn't feel as permanent this time as it did last time. (sorta like a first pregnancy versus a second one)</li>
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Considering what a junk-food junkie I was the weeks leading up to January, I feel very lucky not to be going through a more cranky detox. It's pretty common to have headaches, mood swings, dipped energy, and insane cravings the first week. I've been ravenously hungry and have been sleeping a ton (10 hours Wednesday!!!) but other than that, I've escaped relatively unscathed. </div>
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Last time I did this I was on summer break and was home most of the day. In some ways working has made it easier. Because I'm not home and thinking about the kitchen and food all day, it's easier to just eat what I packed for lunch and to cook what I have planned for dinner. I'm not snooping through my pantry for snacks as much because I'm not physically in my kitchen as much. </div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_WlP_1kNr_I/Wk-dlNso_8I/AAAAAAAABI8/jWwXhrVVgE4IDa5cqEi0V7kpqXOInYdwwCLcBGAs/s1600/51zbjX8rfnL._SX310_BO1%252C204%252C203%252C200_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="312" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_WlP_1kNr_I/Wk-dlNso_8I/AAAAAAAABI8/jWwXhrVVgE4IDa5cqEi0V7kpqXOInYdwwCLcBGAs/s320/51zbjX8rfnL._SX310_BO1%252C204%252C203%252C200_.jpg" width="200" /></a>I've also armed myself with some tools that I didn't have last time. I mentioned getting the <a href="https://whole30.com/daybyday">Whole30 DaybyDay</a> book at Costco last weekend. I really like it so far. I've been doing my little homework assignments in it before bed every night and the reflective writing prompts are really helpful. I highly recommend it! It kind of reminds me of those pregnancy week-by-week books but with worksheets. </div>
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I purchased <a href="https://whole30.com/itstartswithfood/">It Starts with Food</a> on my Kindle. I may buy the hard copy so that I can lend it out if anyone else wants to read it. It's been really fascinating and affirming to read while on program. I remember reading <i>You The Owner's Manual </i>by Dr. Oz probably 10 years ago and being blown away with learning about how our bodies process food. This book does that on a whole new level. I kind of wish I'd read it sooner, but I'm also glad that I'm reading it now. What I've learned so far is that basically even eating a "healthy" diet with whole grains and low-fat dairy can still lead us down a path to diabetes and other diseases. Melissa does a really good job of breaking down the science of how this works. Had I read this without doing the program I probably wouldn't have understood it as well. When you actually feel the difference from eating foods that control your hormone levels, this is more than just a good idea. It's life-changing. I'm looking forward to reading more!</div>
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Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-62978344889055225312018-01-01T12:27:00.001-08:002018-01-01T12:27:22.472-08:00Round 2 - Day 1Happy New Year! I am so relieved to see 2017 come to a close. It was a long, tough, satisfying year and I am happy to be done. I think the two things that were the most life changing last year were moving into our new house and the first Whole30 I completed.<br />
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It's been four months since I finished my first Whole30. I remember my delightful barista, Kristina, saying "It's so hard, but so worth it." And I couldn't describe it better. I have tried so many things to lose weight and keep it off and nothing has ever permeated my consciousness like this has. I think about what I'm eating basically always. I haven't gained any of the weight back that I lost even though I haven't considered myself on a diet since September. I am also hyper-aware of how foods affect me.<br />
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December was sort of a free-fall. We went to Disneyland and I made the conscious decision to enjoy myself. Disneyland is already a sugar wonderland most of the year, but add in the Christmas theme and it's a whole new level. I actually wanted to eat the salads I had for most of my meals because I craved them after all of the crazy sugar laden treats I ate. It was nice to indulge, but I think I went a bit overboard and had a tough time saying no to sugar when I got back.<br />
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So I decided to go nuts for the rest of December and to do another round of Whole30 in January. I've spent the last couple of weeks indulging in stuff that I knew I'd be giving up soon. I'm excited that my mom and sister are joining me this time around. It will be nice having them to commiserate with. I am also SO READY to eat better. So much of what I ate for Christmas made me completely miserable and gross. I could barely button my jeans because I was so bloated. I'm looking forward to feeling better.<br />
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This time around I have a clearer game plan for my kids. This was really difficult last time around without a firm plan. I've decided that, for the most part, I'll offer them the same things I'm eating, but I won't sweat cooking some pasta to go with spaghetti for them or letting them have tacos instead of taco salad. Charlotte has decided she will do a Whole7 the last week of my Whole30 and has already requested certain foods for her school lunches.<br />
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In the spirit of #JanuaryWhole30 I thought I'd share some of my favorite food staples. Having done this once already, the planning element is definitely easier and I realized how much I valued good quality food staples to really make my food a little more edible.<br />
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<b>From Trader Joes:</b><br />
Ghee<br />
Coconut Aminos (soyless soy sauce)<br />
Coconut Oil<br />
RX Bars<br />
Extra Virgin Olive Oil<br />
Everything but the bagel seasoning (awesome for avocados!)<br />
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<b>From Costco:</b><br />
Avocado Oil - I think it was $8 for a gigantic bottle and I LOVE it (they have the same brand at trader joes, but it's a better deal at costco)<br />
The Whole30 book and cookbook ($17 each) and the Whole30 day-by-day planner (I purchased this to try)<br />
Aidell's chicken apple sausage<br />
Little Potato Company potatoes<br />
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<b>From New Seasons:</b><br />
Sage breakfast pork sausage in bulk - One of the few breakfast sausages I found that had no sugar or maple. I buy a pound, cook it all up at the beginning of the week, and toss it in with my eggs each morning.<br />
Jacobson salt company kosher salt (this is the best salt ever, and yes <u>it makes a difference</u>)<br />
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<b>From Chuck's Produce:</b><br />
Every fruit or vegetable you can think of! - I found Plantains that I could cook right away and tons of apple varietals. They also have a good selection of avocados at reasonable prices. I will be a frequent shopper here.<br />
NutPods creamer<br />
Whole roasted chicken (roasted chickens without added no-no ingredients are surprisingly difficult to find - Costco adds carrageenan! Now that I found this, I break one chicken down for lunch salads for the week and it's an easy way to add protein to snack vegetables)<br />
Primal kitchen mayonnaise<br />
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<b>From Otto's Sausage Kitchen:</b><br />
I just discovered this yesterday! All of their sausages are made in house and they don't add any sugar to any of their meat including their bacon! BACON!! I got a couple of chicken sausages to try, a pound of bacon, breakfast sausage links, ground pork sausage, and sliced hunter and summer sausages to snack on.<br />
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<br />Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-72139526277131858252017-10-15T21:46:00.001-07:002017-10-15T21:46:06.986-07:00Post Whole-30 ReflectionsIt's been a long month since I finished my Whole 30 in August. I've had SO much going on but I really wanted to take the time to reflect on the changes I've experienced since I completed my first Whole 30 round.<br />
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First of all, I lost a total of 16 pounds over the course of the month. I've since lost 4 more. I weighed myself a few days ago fully expecting that I had put weight back on. I have not even been close to eating anything that resembles the food I was eating on plan. I was shocked that I hadn't gained any weight. So shocked that I kept moving the scale to make sure it wasn't stuck on something because I couldn't believe it.<br />
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I feel a lot better without the extra pounds on my body. I've been having so many back problems, and I can't afford the co-pay with my chiropractor right now, so I've been doing a lot of stretching and twisting. I imagine that it would be so much worse if I was still carrying an extra 20 pounds of body weight on my twisted spine. I'm by no means cured, but it could be worse. My clothes are fitting me better and I really enjoy feeling comfortable in my clothes. I'll catch a glimpse of myself in a window or mirror and am surprised over and over not to see my belly hanging over my beltline. It's a nice feeling.<br />
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The downside so far has been my acute awareness of how miserable certain foods will make me. Between remodeling my kitchen and not really being able to cook much, getting food poisoning, and surviving a pretty bad cold, I have not been able to make the best choices about what I eat. I've discovered that my body HATES dairy and gluten. I can have very small amounts of it, but if I have too much (aka pizza or a bagel with cream cheese) my mid-section bloats and my intestines feel like they are being stabbed from the inside. I had a slice of pizza yesterday and I thought I was going to throw up a couple hours later. It's very inconvenient since so many delicious foods come in a gluten/cheese pairing. Part of me wonders if I just found drugs like gas-x, lactaid, or beano if I could control the symptoms at least somewhat, but then another part of me wants me to suffer so I avoid these foods since they seem to be so mean to my system.<br />
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I want to do another shorter round of whole-30 when my kitchen is more functional (it's so close!) and I have prepared myself to attack another round. It's so difficult but so worth it. I've also had this concept of exercise in the back of my mind lately too. I've been giving myself space to get our house settled, to adjust to our new routines, and to just enjoy that I feel so much better before I start pushing to do more. I do think walking regularly would really help with my back problems. But one thing at a time!Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-50869077359619676442017-09-06T20:35:00.002-07:002017-09-06T20:35:15.131-07:00Days 28-30+I made it and I couldn't write about it because I couldn't find the mouse for my computer. I still haven't found it, but I borrowed a stand-in until I can find the real mouse.<br />
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I strongly recommend that you don't do a whole 30 while you're moving. It was incredibly hard. It's still incredibly hard. We got pizzas for our moving helpers and I couldn't eat a bite of it. I was bitter. Especially when I had to go pick up the pizzas and drive them around.<br />
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I had a celebratory glass of white wine and a bunch of tater tots at McMenamins on the final day. It also happened to be the second day of school and we had an Opera on Tap show (which I did not have to deal with my kids at). I was in a VERY good mood all evening. I weighed myself the same morning and discovered I'd lost 12 pounds. I also feel like I'm less bloated and gassy, my skin looks great, I've had much more even hormonal shifts, and I feel like I'm less anxious and reactive. So...pretty much this was a fantastic decision.<br />
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Since I finished, it's been a little easier to lighten up a bit on the details. I'm trying to stay on as much as possible, and I'm trying to be super aware of how I react to different things I'm eating. Tater tots made my stomach feel terrible the next morning. I didn't even want to eat and my whole day suffered without a big breakfast. So far I've been okay with rice bran oil, powdered lentils, wine, a bit of agave and honey, and smaller doses of canola oil. I also had some gluten free chicken nuggets from Trader Joes that didn't seem to cause much trouble, but I don't want to eat them all the time. I want to try to stay on the program as much as possible while allowing myself some things here and there. I feel reluctant to eat anything with gluten or dairy or anything super processed. I feel like I'm better off without them and I really want to continue to be in control of what I'm choosing to eat and why. Although I'm not ready to say goodbye to cheese forever.<br />
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It's been kind of hard trying to eat the last week. My house is in complete chaos until we can get carpet installed (next Tuesday!) and our kitchen cabinets built and installed. I haven't really been able to put anything away yet. I have a few basics for my meals which are mostly just eggs and rotisserie chicken, but other than that, my kitchen is a total mess. My sink is stained with paint and painting supplies. There's garbage everywhere. There are boxes stacked to the ceiling. This sucks. I keep having to tell myself that it will all be amazing in a few more weeks, I just have to be patient. And it will. And I do. But at the moment, it's making me feel like I'm losing my mind.<br />
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At the moment, I'm drinking a glass of Rosé after a rather rough day. I had kale for lunch so at least I was fueled properly. I had to pick up my kids and go to the chiropractor. My chiropractor is a really nice guy and they are incredibly patient with me and my kids, but it was out of control today. My kids wouldn't not just settle for playing with toys. When I came out of one of my therapies, they had cleared everything off the coffee table in the waiting area and were laying across it pretending to swim while yelling and screaming. There were toys everywhere. I was mortified. They were both in tears by the time we left and I had to end my appointment before they finished all of the treatments.<br />
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I needed to go to the Home Depot to get more slats for the blinds on our sliding glass door, so we got dinner at the Panera next door. They behaved okay while we were eating. Charlotte did her homework and eventually, I gave Archer my phone so he'd stop screaming and crawling on the benches and tables. I had the French onion soup without any cheese or bread and the green goddess salad which I'm sure had some trace amounts of sugar and canola oil but wasn't the worst option.<br />
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At Home Depot, both kids kept yelling and laughing and fighting and screaming the entire time. I about lost my mind. It was lucky a kind man at the checkout took pity on me and gave me a discount as well as helping me get my stuff out to my car. I suppose the sight of a frazzled exhausted woman pushing a car cart of screaming children while also dragging a giant box on a flatbed cart behind her was enough for him to take pity. I was almost in tears. BUT, with my hormeones being better and my anxiety being better I didn't have the normal level of panic attack that I would have had a month ago in the same situation. It was a completely awful situation, but I was able to get through it better.<br />
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Now my kids are probably drowning each other in the tub so I can have my glass of wine and catch up on my blog. I put a bunch of epsom salts in the water so they'd be good and tired for bed time. Fingers crossed!<br />
Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-84183455003364450042017-08-24T21:15:00.002-07:002017-08-24T21:15:55.230-07:00Day 24My cat chose 5:30 this morning to yowl at the top of her lungs under our open bedroom window to let us know that she would like to come in the house and have breakfast. She's an indoor cat. She escaped. Again. Calloused cat cares not.<br />
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I couldn't sleep so I pulled out my Kindle. I've been reading Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. I read the section on numbing - one of the three strategies people use to avoid vulnerability/shame. It hit me like a sucker-punch to the forehead.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"American's today are more debt-ridden, obese, medicated, and addicted than we have ever been." </blockquote>
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Yep.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"...the most powerful need for numbing seems to come from a combination of ... - shame, anxiety, and disconnection."</blockquote>
<br />
reading on<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Shame enters for those of us who experience anxiety because not only are we feeling fearful, out of control, and incapable of managing our increasingly demanding lives, but eventually our anxiety is compounded and made unbearable by our belief that if we were just smarter, stronger, or better, we'd be able to handle everything. Numbing here becomes a way to take the edge off of both instability and inadequacy."</blockquote>
<br />
...sure, you can work full time, just convince teenagers that have no clue how much they'll like it that they should join choir...also figure out how to fund your program. also, there are about 1000 ways it won't work in their schedule...also here's a whole class of special ed kids to help with your numbers. oh, and we'll never come to your concerts unless you win something, and we'll accuse you of showboating if you try to convince us you're more qualified to do your job than someone who just sings for fun. can you teach PE/art/science/math/English/anythingmoreculturallyvalued???<br />
<br />
reading on<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"For me, it wasn't just the dance halls, cold beer, and Marlboro Lights of my youth that got out of hand -- it was banana bread, chips and queso, e-mail, work, staying busy, incessant worrying, planning, perfectionism, and anything else that could dull those agonizing and anxiety-fueled feelings of vulnerability."</blockquote>
<br />
Brené, if you ever happen across my blog, I feel you girl. I FEEL YOU.<br />
<br />
She goes on to say:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"When I interviewed the research participants, whom I'd describe as living a Wholehearted life, about numbing, they consistently talked about three things:<br /><ol>
<li>Learning how to actually feel their feelings.</li>
<li>Staying mindful about numbing behaviors (they struggled too).</li>
<li>Learning how to lean into discomfort of hard emotions."</li>
</ol>
</blockquote>
<br />
Cue Whole30.<br />
<br />
OMG did I need to do this. And the timing. Wow.<br />
<br />
She continues to talk about how people who manage their anxiety well will do things to change the source of the anxiety by setting boundaries according to their values. I feel like I'm making huge strides to do this and I'm proud of myself!<br />
<br />
And didn't I totally just write about actually feeling my feelings? I'm already pretty good about experiencing emotions that cause me to cry in front of practically every person I've ever met. But joy eludes me quite a bit of the time. Unless I'm eating. Especially when I'm sharing what I'm eating. Being forced to experience discomfort and not being able to control my anxiety through comfort food is a huge step for me.<br />
<br />
She mentions planning as a coping strategy as well and boy is that true for me. We're moving Saturday and if you came to my house you would see towers of boxes labeled and ready to be moved. What's making me crazy is the stuff that's not in boxes. There are loose items that I did not plan well enough for. I can't eat my feelings about this!<br />
<br />
I can't wait to experience what it's like to be the sort of person that has managed to balance these things in a much healthier way. My cat robbed me of tiger blood today with the whole not getting enough sleep thing...but I feel a lot more confidence in the <i class="">why</i> of what I'm doing than I did before.<br />
<br />
Thanks Brené. You're a queen.<br />
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<br />Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-42607307116065518132017-08-23T21:39:00.001-07:002017-08-23T21:39:32.776-07:00Days 22 & 23I think I'm starting to get the hang of this.<div>
Yesterday was jam packed with dates, meetings, and errands. I didn't have to think too long about packing up food for the day. I ended up taking our big insulated trader joes tote full of whole30 approved lunch and snacks. Day went pretty smooth. Nobody was hungry, nobody complained about the food that was offered. Win!</div>
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<div>
Charlotte spent the night at the neighbors and had cereal for breakfast. When she came home, I was eating a pretty yummy salad dressed with tahini sauce from Trader Joes, sliced cucumbers, and chopped rotisserie chicken. I tried putting sunflower seeds on it, but I think my stash had gone bad so I had to toss them. Charlotte tried to steal a bite and asked if I'd make her a salad too. </div>
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Charlotte asked me to make her a SALAD. With LETTUCE. GREEN STUFF.</div>
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...</div>
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I was out of lettuce but I made her a salad of cucumbers and chicken with the sauce. She scarfed it down. She also scarfed down strawberries, an Rx bar, and some raw almonds. These kids never used to eat this much.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
The last couple days felt a lot better with the cravings as well. Normally I want to eat until the second I go to bed. I just keep hunting for snacks. I made salmon, roasted potatoes and asparagus for dinner (which both kids ate most of!) and I think it was satisfying enough that I didn't feel the need to keep grazing through my kitchen. </div>
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<div>
Dinner tonight was McMenamins. They were super nice and accommodating and I had a pretty tasty dinner. I was super tempted to have french fries, but they cook them in canola oil and I only have a few more days. 1 more week! </div>
Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-59108728645388261252017-08-21T21:05:00.001-07:002017-08-21T21:05:32.742-07:00Day 20 & 21The last couple days have had some big wins and big fails. Don't worry! I didn't slip or give up!<br />
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Yesterday was a morning of grocery shopping, salad bar lunch at New Seasons, and dinner at my friend Emily's. Emily has been on an anti-inflammatory diet for a very long time and I feel like I learn something from her every time we eat together. I had zucchini noodles for the first time and I now I can't wait to get moved so I can go buy a spiralizer to make them again. We also had a fantastic kale salad. Yes the word fantastic was used to describe kale. It was so good I had it again for lunch today with some beef. And so I must share the recipe:<br />
<br />
kale - ripped into small pieces<br />
olive oil<br />
apple cider vinegar<br />
fresh tarragon<br />
raw garlic, sliced into matchsticks<br />
salt<br />
avocado<br />
<br />
sprinkle olive oile and vinegar on kale leaves. Massage the leaves with the dressing to soften them. Add the rest of the stuff - however much you like. Eat the crap out of kale salad because now it's actually delicious.<br />
<br />
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You're welcome.<br />
<br />
Also, green curry and eggplant overcook in a crockpot all day. My curry was pretty good, but the eggplant had completely liquified and I love eggplant and I was sad. Now you know.<br />
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I'm really enjoying what I can eat, but I'm constantly wishing I could eat anything else. I don't understand it. The food I'm eating is totally satisfying. I enjoy it. I am eating like a queen. But I want a damn vanilla latte. And rice. And pizza.<br />
<br />
I've never had a giant sweet tooth, but I feel like I'm fighting one that has suddenly decided to materialize. It's making me nervous because the whole point of this is to reprogram your eating habits and all I can think about is what I will be able to eat again when this is over. I've done so many diets and I don't want this to be another crash diet. I promised myself I would never "diet" again. I don't want to go to this much effort only to completely regress, and I don't want to resent that I "can't eat" stuff and turn into a binge monster.<br />
<br />
I've got 9 more days. I guess I'll keep at it and cross the next road when I get there.Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-50744469050270937862017-08-19T22:33:00.003-07:002017-08-19T22:33:28.480-07:00Day 19Another day in the books. It was kind of uneventful, which I am rather grateful for.<br />
<br />
I didn't really struggle much with food today. Cooking is coming easier now and I feel like I'm in a good groove. I am kind of struggling with this whole notion of "Tiger's Blood" though. I struggled a lot with breathing today. Something was bothering my asthma I think. And I feel like I'm constantly worn out. This is sort of the opposite...<br />
<br />
I haven't really worked exercise in much yet since I have enough things to try to keep going and, even though I know all about good endorphins and having more energy, I just can't do more right now. I had to take breaks between packing boxes today. Before I started this journey, I'd wake up in the morning and go nuts cleaning and knocking out to-do list stuff. Lately, I've been waking up tired from not sleeping well. I've also been having a daily slump in the late afternoon. I just want to take a nap and not move.<br />
<br />
Considering how vigilant I've been, I think I can chalk it up to stress. It's really difficult to get my mind to calm down so I can sleep, and every time I wake up throughout the night the mental chatter just picks up where it left off. I've been trying to use meditation strategies to fall asleep, which does help, but it's kind of exhausting to push against the constant thoughts all the time.<br />
<br />
On the upside, I have noticed that my moods are a little more even. I don't burn so hot and cold and I feel like I have a lot more patience with my kids which is a very good thing. So at least there's something to be happy about!Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-82429272552758307462017-08-18T22:50:00.001-07:002017-08-18T22:50:32.085-07:00Days 16, 17 & 18I almost didn't post again today, but I decided better to catch up now than to try to recall several days at once. And I don't want to fall out of the habit.<br />
<br />
I was feeling very positive today. I went to get some work done at the high school and got to see several students I hadn't seen all summer. I'm giddy about having the choir room for my classes, and I'm really looking forward to living in such close proximity to work for the first time in my entire career! There are so many things with work that are really falling into place and I have so much to be grateful for. Especially considering how awful it felt a year ago.<br />
<br />
My good day did not endure. When I got home I found out that the roof repair that was supposed to cost $400 is now going to cost $900. Not something I was expecting. Not something we can afford either. At one point I glanced at a bowl on a side table and desperately wished it was cereal. I almost never eat cereal. But in that moment cereal would have made me feel so much better. We don't even have any cereal.<br />
<br />
This stress spiraled into a whole lot of other stress. We still don't have a solid moving date worked out yet and we can't ask for any help or rent a truck until we know when we can actually move. We also have a lot of other moving stuff that we have to handle but can't really do much about until we actually move. I also don't know if Charlotte got into the Spanish program. What if we end up with higher bills and no equity? What if I get fired? What if I have a heart attack from all the stress and just die on the spot?<br />
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As much as it sucks, I think it's kind of good that I'm having to cope with my stress with other means than food. I took a hefty dose of natural calm and looked through some #whole30success posts on Instagram. I feel a lot better now. I literally had the thought when I was upset and wanting to cry that I should just let the feelings happen. Just be sad because I'm sad. I did, and now I'm fine. I think this is a good thing?<br />
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It was also good that I managed to get my barbecue pulled pork in the crock pot this morning and it was seriously good for dinner. I had it over salad greens with some leftover grilled peppers and onions. This was by far the easiest meal I've made so far.<br />
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Yesterday we went to check out another carpet place in Portland and went out to dinner at Produce Row Cafe. It was a good call. I explained to the server that I was on an elimination diet and told him what I needed to avoid - most specifically I mentioned canola oil because everyone uses canola oil for everything. I ended up with a lovely salad with sliced steak, watermelon radishes, and pickled onions with a liberal amount of housemade chimichurri sauce slathered all over everything. I was so happy to have a meal that was actually satisfying I barely noticed anyone else's food. Except for french fries. I seriously miss french fries.<br />
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I think I'm starting to hit my stride finally. Cooking and meal planning is getting easier. Battling with my kids is getting easier. Now if I could just get moved and feel prepared for school to start I'd be in seriously fantastic shape.Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-41219327524047893082017-08-15T22:55:00.000-07:002017-08-15T22:55:45.945-07:00Day 15!Halfway y'all! I've made it!<br />
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This has been a very long couple of weeks. But I feel like I've come a long way and have a long way to go still. It's not easy at the beginning of a journey when you don't know what the end will look like.<br />
<br />
At the encouragement of my barista (<3 a="" and="" as="" checked="" could="" do="" feel="" hartwig="" i="" in="" inspiring.="" instagram="" it="" just="" kristina="" like="" made="" me="" melissa="" nbsp="" not="" out="" p="" promised="" really="" s="" small="" this="" was="" way.="" you=""><br />
I decided the best reward for making it my 15 days was to take Charlotte clothes shopping for school. We bought a couple shirts and a jacket, but I decided to actually go through all of her clothes and really curate what she had. It was a good call. Half her clothes were too small and many of them were a hodge-podge of random stuff she's collected over the last year. I've been reading <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Curated-Closet-Discovering-Personal-Building-ebook/dp/B01A4B2JHG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1502860604&sr=8-1&keywords=the+curated+closet">The Curated Closet</a>, thanks to my free local digital library. I felt like I've organically gone through most of the steps for my own clothes already, but not as much for my kids.<br />
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One of the first steps they suggest is to create a board - whether that's Pinterest or a literal one, or a sheet of paper; just somewhere to collect ideas - to hone in on a particular style. I started to do this for Charlotte and had her sit with me to figure it out, but every item of clothing we looked at, she wanted to get it. Not a great method for kids.<br />
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Then I found kids clothing capsule on <a href="http://www.hellobee.com/2016/08/25/fall-wardrobe-for-little-girls-and-little-boys/">Hellobee's blog</a>. This is such a great template! I added 5 short sleeved shirts to this list and voila, we had a jumping off point for Charlotte's clothes. We sorted through what we had, made a list, and hit the store. It was pretty fun actually, and now she has everything she needs for the entire school year - even concerts! Now I just have to have the discipline not to shop for her anymore (i.e. Black Friday).<br />
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The downside of our shopping trip was that I didn't really plan well enough for our dinner. I figured we could eat at a few places nearby but I didn't do my research first. We went to Panera and while I was standing in line trying to research options on my phone, I discovered that they use an ingredient in their chicken I shouldn't have (so...no salads?). We ended up at Red Robin annex with lettuce wrapped hamburgers with tomato and grilled pineapple. Thankfully they didn't charge me much considering how little food it actually was. Another reason to opt to eat at home - meals that are actually satisfying! We ended up running back to target to get some RX bars before heading home.<br />
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I also did something stupid. When we were done shopping for Charlotte, I decided to see if I could find anything for me. I buy the same pair of black pixie pants from The Limited every year, but they went bankrupt. Rude! So now I have to find a new favorite store for my clothes. The Limited had pretty good quality stuff and great sales and it frickin fit me well which was so hard to find. Most of my wardrobe is from The Limited. I tried on some stuff at The Gap and almost cried in the dressing room. Is it possible that I have gotten FATTER?? I mean..love my body, it can do amazing things, I've been feeling healthier, I'm doing my absolute best to be my best self but seriously? I don't fit in their biggest size? What the hell GAP??!!<br />
<br />
Fortunately, I stumbled into the J Crew Mercantile, which is basically their outlet mall store, and they had clothes I could afford that fit me and looked like what I like to wear! And did I mention teacher discount?? Miracles happen!! I didn't get too much because I don't want to shrink out of expensive clothes, which I fully expect to happen.<br />
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Oh! Another fabulous discovery - curried chicken salad over avocado. I found a recipe on pinterest and tried it today. It's on <a href="http://themovementmenu.com/recipes/whole30-chicken-salad-boats/">The Movement Menu</a> blog. I basically changed the whole recipe - I didn't use red onion or parsley, I used a red apple instead of green, I used the may Coover whipped up for me (Thanks Coover!), I forgot the pepper, I used rotisserie chicken from New Seasons (so much easier!!), and I added peas. It was good! The kids had rotisserie chicken, cold peas, and chopped mango for lunch. Archer ate 3 helpings of peas. I think this shall repeat tomorrow!<br />
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I keep having more good days. I feel blessed!<br />
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<br /></3>Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-69891752426262689642017-08-14T21:38:00.000-07:002017-08-14T21:38:27.062-07:00Day 14Um...this book promised me food porn dreams and I have yet to have any. I'm a bit disappointed.<br />
<br />
"Day 12 to 15: I dream of...junk food?"<br />
<br />
LIES!<br />
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No sweat though, I have plenty to be happy about. I managed to not have any major snafus today! And my kids didn't throw giant fits over food! It was a good day.<br />
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I had a bit of a hazy headache today that I'll attribute to inconsistent sleep patterns and no coffee today. There shall be coffee tomorrow. But overall, I'm starting to feel pretty good.<br />
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With several errands to run today, I packed lunch (leftover chicken legs, sliced cucumber, carrot sticks, two apples, almond butter, two packets of cashews, and a white nectarine) in a mini-cooler to have on hand so the kids wouldn't be whiny all day. It worked! Archer actually asked specifically for cashews!<br />
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Let me just say, we haven't eaten exclusively from home in a very long time. The sheer volume of actual food I have to buy is kind of amazing to me. I mean, I know we ate the same amount of food (probably more) when we were eating out all the time, but...did you read that cooler list? I have to have all this stuff to put in the cooler, which means going out into the grocery abyss and actually buying all of it. I'm hoping that my trips to the grocery store start reducing to once or twice a week rather than the nearly daily "oops I forgot..." trips I keep having to make. I'm also becoming less afraid to buy more food all at once. I know that the impact on our bank account will be an improvement. I can count on one hand the number of times I've eaten out the last two weeks and while we're spending more on groceries, the cost of each meal is significantly less than what we spent eating out. This is good!<br />
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I got home around 4 this afternoon and started slowly plotting dinner. (I get so sleepy in the afternoon!) We ended up having meat and potatoes. I did cast iron steaks with the Jacobsen steak seasoning and coined baby potatoes tossed in some oil and salt and roasted. Kids were in heaven. I made myself an heirloom tomato salad with a tarragon vinaigrette to go with it - a girl needs her acid to cut through all the rich food now.<br />
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After dinner, I actually had some energy! The tired wore off and I took the kids for a mile walk around the block before bed. Something about going for a walk in the evening just makes me feel like I have my shit together.<br />
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This seems to be going in the right direction! Kids got to bed at a decent hour, I'm going to bed at a decent hour, there were no major tantrums or fights, everyone kind of went with the day. Fingers crossed that more of them will be like this!<br />
<br />Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-51464379700475792992017-08-13T21:04:00.001-07:002017-08-13T21:04:33.499-07:00Day 13I think I'm going to make an app that maps and rates salad bars. I had to run to get a couple more groceries for this week's meals and I ended up at New Seasons with Archer. <div>
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New Seasons is supposed to be my happy place. They have all the weird expensive natural things right? Turns out most of their food is as off plan as anywhere else. I'd been shopping already for a couple hours and we needed lunch. I figured we could probably get something out of the deli, surely they'd have something. But nearly every single item in their deli display had been made using canola oil. Archer had already eaten a whole apple and banana on this shopping trip, so I figured we could make it home before he was too hungry. Then I spotted the salad bar!</div>
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<h4 style="text-align: center;">
Salad bars you guys.</h4>
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I don't know why they're so forgettable. When I was pregnant with Archer I would stop and get kale salads with oil and vinegar in the morning. By lunch, the acid had made the kale softer and less bitter making the salad delightful. I also figured out that filling the container with greens and then stuffing the toppings in made them far less expensive. That trick's a freebie. You're welcome.</div>
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<div>
I discovered another salad bar hack today. The toddler buffet! </div>
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I made a salad for me that was very satisfying and then made a box with the chunks of turkey, carrots, green beans, chopped hard-boiled egg, watermelon and pineapple chunks, and some baby corns (not on plan, but close enough). Archer managed to eat most of it and seemed pretty happy with his options. </div>
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So that was a great discovery today. </div>
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I also discovered RX bars. They're protein bars made with dates, egg whites, and nuts. They're Whole 30 compliant, and the best part is that they have CHOCOLATE and they are unbelievably tasty. I had one in place of my breakfast this morning - I know, I should have at least had a piece of fruit or something, yadda yadda. </div>
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I got kind of a late start on my day so it was nice to be able to grab and go get my shopping done. I also like that they're very chewy and you can't just chow it down. It takes probably 10 minutes to chew through it. But chocolate.</div>
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I think I may buy some more. I'll let y'all know if I find a super good deal!</div>
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Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-5657456791048730932017-08-12T20:33:00.001-07:002017-08-12T20:40:50.861-07:00Day 13Today I took the day off. Not from the program, but from cooking.<br />
<br />
We went to a friend's housewarming and I took some stuff with me to eat, but I decided not to totally restrict the kids on what they could eat. It made the whole thing far less stressful. Although Charlotte was still throwing a fit, screaming and crying, when we left. So I guess I'm left with a choice. Deal with the fits from being denied food or deal with the fit that comes later from avoiding the first fit.<br />
<br />
*sigh*<br />
<br />
I spent a fair amount of time trying to track down the ingredients in the Aidell's Smoked Paprika sausages I had. I recycled the belly band that has all of that information on it so it would take up less room in the fridge something like a month ago. If anyone has any leads, I would greatly appreciate it! Most of their sausages are safe on the plan so I decided I'd risk it.<br />
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By the time we got home, everyone was exhausted and our dishwasher is broken so I would have had to hand-wash dishes before making dinner (privilege problems, I know). So, I decided to take a risk and order Thai food.<br />
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I called our favorite place, but they premake their curries and they all have sugar. I called a place we haven't tried before and they said they could do it without sugar. Bingo! I didn't ask about all the other possible ingredients (cornstarch, msg, etc...) because it didn't occur to me to ask until after I'd ordered. Whoops.<br />
<br />
Now I'm sitting here worrying. It was probably okay. The broth was not thick (suggesting they didn't use a thickener) and I scooped all of the bamboo, eggplant, and shrimp out of the broth, so it wasn't completely drowning in it. But any off-list food is still off-list food. I guess I'll have to decide if I should start over when I don't actually know if I went off plan or not.<br />
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Okay, I thought about it. Not starting over.<br />
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Still, I'm trying to also decide if the stress of not knowing exactly what's in my food was worth saving the work of preparing it myself. The good news is that after my 30 days I can worry about it less and let my body do more of the talking. If I feel okay, I feel okay. If not, avoid it next time. Problem solved.<br />
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Before I turn in, shout out to Will & Anne for lending me their copy of the Whole30 book! I have to take the book I borrowed back to the library tomorrow, so they rescued me.<br />
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Almost halfway there. Any suggestions on how I should celebrate my halfway mark? Obviously, can't do it with food!<br />
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<br />Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-51690866110252328772017-08-11T23:30:00.004-07:002017-08-11T23:30:57.630-07:00Day 11 & 12I didn't want to blog last night. I managed to go to bed by 10 pm! And I think it was worth it because I woke up feeling so much better today.<br />
<br />
Yesterday was pretty uneventful. Our power went out right as I was prepping dinner. Let me just say, it's really hard to cook with Archer whining and crying at me and begging for food. Paul usually runs interference so I can actually cook without another human wrapped around my leg. He's been on graveyard shift though and isn't always up in time to keep me leech free. It's been kind of rough. Fortunately, he's back on day shift next week!<br />
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Anywhoo...the power went out, and I still needed a couple of ingredients, and it was getting late. So I decided to store up what I had prepped, and we went to 5-guys.<br />
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I think where I've landed with my kids is to try to keep them whole-30 compliant as much as possible, but to choose my battles and to try to meet them halfway. In other words, at home, they don't have alternative options. But when we go out, I'll still try to make sure they have a choice to eat a vegetable and a protein, but I'll allow a few concessions as I deem worthy. At 5 guys, I let them have fries, just not as many as they usually have (Archer will ignore all other food and consume all the french fries), and I let them have a bun on their hamburger, but we ditched the cheese and I had them put pickles, grilled onions, and tomatoes on it. They're starting to come around with the onions. Not so much with the tomatoes. They didn't complain nearly as much leaving me less stressed, and I felt like they were at least eating something of substance.<br />
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I've discovered my Achilles heel. I can forgo sweets all day long. I've been finding myself craving salty crunchy things a whole lot lately. I've been feeding the salt-crunch monster with chicken skin cooked in the oven in a cast iron skillet with some sea-salt. I think I may need to reconsider this choice. Watching my family eat french fries was brutal. My mouth is watering thinking about them right now. And 5-guys french fries are everything you guys. I hate their burgers, but I will absolutely suffer through one for the fries.<br />
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I did okay. I did not derail.<br />
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Today I felt much better after getting more sleep. It was much easier dealing with my kids. It was much easier feeding myself. We survived the ultimate test and went to our favorite coffee shop, Happyrock, today. I've been avoiding it until I can survive both kids whining about not getting their usual sugar/dairy bombs. It's one thing for me to adjust to drinking black coffee, but what the hell do you give kids who can't have sugar or dairy at a coffee shop?<br />
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I got a honey steamer with coconut milk with Charlotte (again, allowing some concessions while still trying to make steps in the right direction) and a coconut milk hot-chocolate for Archer with less chocolate than usual. Archer was satisfied. Charlotte was not. She went back and asked for more honey 3 times at least and complained through the entire drink. Part of me wishes I had less tenacious children. But I know their assertiveness will be a valued part of their personalities someday. Someday.<br />
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I've been pretty preoccupied with our upcoming move and I can't help but worry about how I'm going to survive it without pizza or other easy convenience foods. I may have to prep some stuff that I can eat easily so that everyone else can eat what they want. Moving is tough on a food schedule.<br />
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I've also been dreaming about the end and reintroducing food back into my diet. I had a bit of indigestion after my lettuce wrap burger yesterday. That feeling was a pretty normal thing before. It was really unpleasant to experience it after a pretty good hiatus. I've become so used to downing enzymes and papaya extracts to help me digest stuff and I haven't had to use any so far. It made me wonder, what if I really have to give up a lot of food groups when all is said and done? I feel like it's a toss-up. Yes, this way of eating is worth the quality of life that comes with it. But, that quality comes with sacrifices.<br />
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I guess I won't know what really bothers me until I start reintroducing foods back into my diet, but I am going to seriously cry if croissants give me stomach cramps. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the possibility that I will have to make some strong choices about whether certain foods are worth the side-effects. Yes, whole 30 has an end date (thus the appeal!), but finishing the detox doesn't mean I get to go back to eating whatever I want - unless, of course, I decide like being overweight, tired, and cranky all the time. I'm guessing that's probably not where I'm going to land though. Which means visualising life without as many croissants.<br />
<br />Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-52153746084491791442017-08-10T00:32:00.002-07:002017-08-10T00:32:24.517-07:00Day 10I got some much needed me time today. My mom came with me to look at countertops for the kitchen remodel that feels like is never going to happen and then took the kids so I could go to my chiropractor appointment without them. I love my mom.<br />
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I have been really stressed about our moving timeline, the start of school, and the money tied to all of it. I feel a bit paralyzed right now, there's not much I can really do until there's a bunch to do at once. It makes it kind of difficult to really enjoy my last few days of summer. So does not eating ice cream. Or anything that gives me joy.<br />
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I took advantage of the little bit of "me time" and went to Costco to replace the mass amounts of fruit my kids eat. (yes, I spend my "me time" grocery shopping) I'm already starting to dread having to feed them when they're teenagers. It was a bit more brutal than I had anticipated. Who the hell decided to put the pastries right next to the produce?! Really?! I could have seriously done some damage to some Costco muffins today.<br />
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And to all the samples.<br />
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I also probably seemed a bit weird to all the people whose carts I was staring at longingly in line. <br />
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I stayed strong. I'm proud of myself.<br />
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In fact, there was a sample I could have, but I decided I didn't need to have it just because I could. Also, it was La Croix and I know what La Croix tastes like and I was just annoyed.<br />
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Things I can work on: I need to get to bed earlier (I say as I'm typing this at midnight). I was so sleepy all day (I fell asleep at the chiropractor when they were electrocuting my butt...I'll explain later) and I know I ate well so it wasn't a lack of energy from my food. Against my better judgment, I got a nitro coffee after my appointment near 5 pm.<br />
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So here I am.<br />
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Awake again.<br />
<br />
The barista warned me.<br />
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The upside was that my nitro tasted better than the last time I had it. Could be that it was a better batch than the last one I had. But it could also be that I'm adapting to not having sugar.<br />
<br />
My new favorite meal is roasted tomatoes over chicken tenders and super thin sliced and fried zucchini. I use this amazing good olive oil from <a href="http://www.sottovoce.com/Olio-Pomodoro-375ml.html">Sotto Voce</a>, drizzle it over cherry tomatoes and purple onion and add some chopped fresh basil near the end of roasting. I slice the zucchini on a mandoline slicer as thin as it can go and fry that over high heat with a little olive oil and salt until it's just browned. I love the texture! That with the tomato sauce and the chicken. Molto bene!Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-21819554097094275162017-08-08T23:12:00.001-07:002017-08-08T23:12:13.982-07:00Day 9<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"By this point, the newness of the program has worn off...You're still struggling to establish a new routine (you are so. tired. of. eggs.) and while you've been trying really hard to have a good attitude, today you are incredibly aware of all the foods you're "choosing not to eat right now"</blockquote>
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This is for days 10 and 11 but it applies early for me. I'm so lucky.<br />
<br />
Today was a bit easier because I didn't leave my house. I ate my eggs, which definitely helped with my cravings today, had leftovers for lunch, and managed to have a pretty easy time figuring out food for my kids all day. Archer ate 3 apples. Normally I keep them in a basket on a ledge, but he keeps climbing up and snagging them. Better than crackers I suppose.<br />
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Dinner hit some hurdles. The plantains I had planned to eat weren't ripe enough and I'd already marinated and started baking the pork by the time I figured this out. I sent Paul to the store to find riper ones but neither store he went to had them any more ripe than the ones I already had. Cue sad trombone. I was tempted to just give up and open up a can of black beans. But I reluctantly ended up putting the avocado salad and pork over salad greens. It worked out, but it wasn't what I had wanted. I felt pretty disappointed about it actually.<br />
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Both kids ate most of their dinner after we bribed them with one piece of candy. Archer tried to put his tomatoes and lettuce in his water cup to hide them. He didn't get candy.<br />
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We have to pack anyway so I packed as much of the "contraband" food up into boxes so they wouldn't be a constant issue with the kids. This helped a lot today.<br />
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Still, I couldn't help feeling resentful of Charlotte because she had cereal for breakfast at the neighbors after spending the night. I don't even like cereal all that much. I was also kind of annoyed when my husband wanted chips for his lunch and went so far as to dig them out of a taped up box to get them. He's been really supportive of me and of having the kids on the program with me. Still, I wish he wanted to join us completely. And it feels like he thinks he has to hide what he eats that we aren't eating. But, ultimately, this program is about regaining control over your own eating habits and about wanting to feel better. Nobody can want that for anyone but themselves.<br />
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I also struggled with feeling like my entire existence revolves around food. It feels like a very first-world whiny problem. But still, I spent the better part of my day in the kitchen making food, cleaning up after making food, and thinking about what to make next and when to make it. It also feels very unfair that the burden of all this cooking falls squarely on my shoulders for me and my kids for all meals on all days. It would be nice to have a day off.<br />
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I feel like I'm learning a lot about parenting and patience with my kids through this journey. Even though both kids have been driving me absolutely batshit crazy the last week, they're still eating much better than they did before we started. Archer ate his scrambled eggs with no complaint this morning. Charlotte ate all of her meals today without protest. Progress is slow, but it's progress!<br />
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<br />Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-22678860057009846382017-08-07T23:39:00.000-07:002017-08-07T23:39:32.864-07:00Day 8Um. Snacks. Today was snacks. All the snacks. All the kids eating all the snacks. Mom eating all the snacks.<br />
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Highlight of my day:<br />
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Throwing candy across the parking lot.<br />
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I didn't have eggs for breakfast for the first time since I started. I think it was probably a mistake. I've been craving snacks ALL DAY. And my kids have been worse.<br />
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They're kind of amazing actually. They pick around their meals and manage to extract anything with natural sugar or that isn't too unappealing. Then they snack like crazy between meals so that by the time we get to the next meal they can get away with not really eating again.<br />
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Today was the first day that I've thought much about the food I'm not eating. I've been so focused on trying to wrap my head around what I CAN eat that I haven't been too concerned about what I can't eat. But now that I've kind of got a better reign on the program, it's easier to think about what I'm missing.<br />
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I decided to put my foot down with the kids. I realize now why I've been so wishy-washy about it. Instead of having the will-power to stay good for myself, I have to have the will-power for 3 people! I ripped a piece of hard-candy out of Archer's hand today that I told him he could have. But I knew he shouldn't have it because not only had he finally been on program all day, he could choke on it. So I ripped it out of his hand and threw it across the parking lot so I couldn't change my mind. Then I had to listen to 10 minutes of screaming.<br />
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Charlotte ate her whole dinner. I made a version of kung pao chicken with a whole lot of zucchini and red pepper. I was proud of her for eating it all. She would not have done that a week ago. An hour later she came home asking if she could have pizza at the neighbors. *sigh* Fine. Have pizza. I don't care anymore.<br />
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Since dinner I've been trying to avoid snacking, but I want to so bad! I see 3 possible culprits. I had home-made kombucha with breakfast. The challenge with kombucha is that it's allowed on the program, but you have to let it ferment enough so that sugars are consumed. I don't know if it was fermented enough. I also don't think I had enough protein at breakfast becuase I just wanted to eat snacks all day - especially after dinner. I'm supposed to start over with a slip-up, but I don't know if I had one or not.<br />
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I struggled today. I'm going to eat eggs tomorrow.<br />
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<br />Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-22234697158180975312017-08-07T09:38:00.001-07:002017-08-07T09:38:25.688-07:00Day 71 week! I made it 1 week!<br />
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The day was pretty uneventful.<br />
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I sat and did a meal plan for the week and Charlotte and I went grocery shopping at the Milwaukie Farmers Market and at Trader Joes. There's a fantastic produce stand at the farmers market with beautiful produce at grocery store prices (or cheaper in most instances). I stuck to my list for the most part and let Charlotte pick out a couple more things. I basically bee-lined back to the car to avoid our usual vices and money drains. Markets can be dangerous!<br />
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I've been trying to crack this meal-planning code for years. I get into routines for awhile that work well, but then I derail again and can't begin to figure out how to plan for cooking. This is a hurdle I'm hoping to figure out on this program for sure.<br />
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In the past I've tried to plan for two weeks of meals at a time. I sit and figure out my 8 or so recipes (how this was supposed to last two weeks I'm not sure) and I'd put the meal in the calendar. I'd make a list of everything I could buy without going bad for two weeks, and then on each recipe in the calendar, I'd add a list of the fresh ingredients I needed.<br />
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It worked a lot better before I had kids. I had time to go the grocery store every day that I needed to. This is not as much the case.<br />
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Last summer I tried the cooking light diet plan and I liked that too, but it took a lot of time to sit and figure out how to tweak their system so I didn't spend a fortune on food.<br />
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It was a different feeling to go to the grocery store with a list and to know - really know- that we would be eating everything I purchased.<br />
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After grocery shopping, Charlotte and I met up with a friend and her daughter so the girls could play. My friend is on an anti-inflammatory program as well and it's been working really well for her. She's been doing something along these lines for much much longer than I have and it was nice to have another guru. She shared an amazing parsley salad with me that I will definitely be trying to replicate.<br />
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We didn't have any meltdowns today. My kids ate pretty much everything I gave them with minimal whining. I think this has been the best day so far!<br />
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Yup.<br />
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Today was rough. Really really really really rough.<br />
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I got a later start than I should have this morning. I made scrambled eggs full of veggies and sausage patties for Charlotte and I (which she ate after an argument), and made some eggs with greens for Archer. I put them in a tupperware for him to eat at the parade we went to this morning. He was NOT interested.<br />
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At lunch, both kids were whining and throwing fits over what I was cooking because it wasn't what they wanted. I kind of lost it at that point. Both stayed in their rooms until lunch was ready. Charlotte's attitude turned around. Archer finally ate his eggs so he could have some of the sausage.<br />
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I was proud of myself, we went to a birthday party and I skipped the cake and stuck to fruits and veggies. My kids and husband did not. I felt frustrated. It's not fair for me to expect the same, and I don't, but it's hard.<br />
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For dinner I made mashed sweet potatoes with jamaican jerk chicken and papaya red pepper salsa. It was very good. My kids disagreed. Archer kept screaming for his bar or an apple. I refused to budge about what was for dinner. Charlotte ate the chicken out of it, but not much else. She's doing pretty well actually.<br />
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Archer is in full melt-down mode now. We put him in his bed becuase he refused to eat his dinner and was screaming at the top of his lungs. I feel bad for him, but I also can't take any more screaming today. It's taking every ounce of self-discipline not to stress eat. I want a beer. I want chocolate. I want a pastry. But I've made it 6 days and I'm not going to screw it up.Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-20272682315251056272017-08-05T09:04:00.003-07:002017-08-05T09:05:48.797-07:00Day 5I am so tired! According to the book, most people feel really tired around days 6 or 7. I think I'm on an early schedule, which suits my personality fine.<br />
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The kids and I went to ikea with my mom so we could stay out of the heat again. We had lunch in their cafeteria. Lunch was really stressful.<br />
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I tried to have a big meal before we went, and I even had a snack in the car on the way there (apple with almond butter) in case there wasn't anything I could eat there. But this did not prevent me from having a meltdown in the food line.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Scrambled eggs with red pepper, shitake mushrooms (nope), and purple onion. Aardvark sauce on top. Sage sausage patties</td></tr>
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They had some salads that would have been fine for me if they could make it without cheese or hummus. I asked a lady behind the case if this was possible and she looked at me like I was out of my mind and walked away.<br />
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I'm trying to keep my kids on the program too and they didn't have any options available for them either. I was so frustrated trying to figure out what to do for them and for me. I ended up getting them chicken strips and green beans. I know the chicken definitely wasn't okay, but the green beans might have been depending on what they were cooked in. Not that it mattered much since my kids didn't really eat them anyway. After nearly crying in the line, I just got a very dry, very bitter salad from the salad bar.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Worst salad ever and surprisingly not awful black coffee.</td></tr>
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I probably won't eat at ikea again for the next several weeks. Not worth the stress.<br />
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After Ikea we stopped off at Chipotle so I could get a meal I could actually eat. I love Chipotle.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Guacamole, carnitas, tomato salsa and green salsa over salad greens. SO MUCH BETTER</td></tr>
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Other than the extra amount of liquid in the bottom of the bowl, it was so good. I'm finding with eating out that I'm so relieved when there is something I <i>can </i>eat that I'm not even worried about what I <i>shouldn't</i> eat. I hope this sticks.<br />
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As for my kids, I'm really torn up about what to do. My son wakes up every morning cranky for hours demanding carbs. Whenever we go out he eats only french fries or beans. He rarely eats a vegetable. My daughter cried like I had cut her when I told her she couldn't have any candy at the parade we're going to (they throw candy into the street from the floats).<br />
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I did a bunch of reading about having kids on the program. There was an article about different strategies for getting them started. I didn't think the cold turkey strategy would work - throwing eveyrhting off plan out. I was leaning more towards the strategy where you run out of off-plan food and then you just don't replace it. This is fine as long as you never eat outside of your house.<br />
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I know Charlotte does better if she's decided to do it for herself, but she's deciding not to do it. My kids are developing very unhealthy relationships with food and I feel somewhat powerless to do anything about it. They also throw regular tantrums and I'm curious to if it would be better with their diet.<br />
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I really need to nail down what I'm going to do with their program so that I can feel okay about giving them off plan food or feel okay about their hours of whining when I decide to insist on the fruit. I can't know if their eating will help them feel more in control of their emotions unless they completely eliminate these foods from their diets.<br />
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Our house was hot when I got home. I had thawed fish in the fridge, but I had no perfect vegetable to go with them. I decided to wane on perfection and ended up making the fish and some wedged sweet potatoes on the grill.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sole fillets and sweet potatoes all tossed in olive oil and salt. </td></tr>
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I thought the kids would love the sweet potatoes, but they ate the fish up and wouldn't touch them. I never know with them. Also, thanks again to Emily and James for getting me the awesome cast-iron pan! It was perfect on the barbecue!<br />
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I was going to also make a salad with my pea greens, but I was so tired, I ate my meat and potatoes and fell asleep on the couch. As soon as I woke up Charlotte kept complaining she was still hungry. She didn't want anything I offered her so I gave up and let her whine.<br />
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So the take-away is, I need to let it roll when I can't find food I can eat somewhere, naps are in order, and I need to seriously figure out what to do with my kids and stick to it.<br />
<br />Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-63078907309407404992017-08-03T23:59:00.000-07:002017-08-04T09:22:52.808-07:00Day 4It's 11 pm and 80ºF in my house right now. I almost fell asleep several times, but my 2-year-old saw fit to get out of bed, turn all the lights on in the house, and peel 3 bananas instead of staying in his bed. Between that and my very loud cat, I've dozed off and abruptly woken several times and now my brain is buzzing and won't quiet.<br />
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Day 4 felt pretty good. I ate chia seeds soaked in home-made almond milk for breakfast this morning (a welcome change to my usually more involved breakfasts so far) and a banana. Charlotte threw in the towel and had a clif bar, a giant bowl of cheddar bunnies, and several other contraband foods all day. She complained about having a stomach ache this afternoon. I'm kind of glad there were consequences, but also sad that food is hurting my baby.<br />
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If you haven't tried shishito peppers, they are a wrinkly thin japanese pepper that looks like a cross between a jalapeño and a pepperoncini. Eating them is a game of roulette. Most of them are lovely sweet pepper flavor with the slightest bit of kick. But every once in awhile you get one that makes you want to cry. And cry I did. Last night I ate a bowlful and I swear I got three tear-jerkers in a row. I ate more for lunch and I should have bought a lottery ticket today because they were all delightful. I really like these for a crunchy, salty snack. Also for the thrill.<br />
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I had an early dinner with fellow opera-singer and whole30er. It was my first meal out of my kitchen in 4 days and I was grateful to have a whole30 sherpa to help keep me calm. I really did not want to have to start over.<br />
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Other than having to pick the shredded parmesan out of my salad, it was pretty successful. I am still questioning the oil they fried the hamburger patty with though. The server said they don't use any and he lies. There was a lovely crisp shell on that hamburger patty.<br />
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It's weirding me out that I actually enjoyed this meal so much. It was a naked hamburger and a side salad. I had them add a side of avocado too. Normally this plate of food would make me feel deprived as hell at a restaurant. I would have that subtle ache in the pit of my stomach knowing that this meal would not leave me feeling satisfied. But it was so satisfying in an "I've had a good meal", not in a "I'm so smug I ate this rabbit food" way. I dug into the meal so grateful not to have to cook it myself and enjoyed every bite!<br />
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After lunch I went to New Seasons to hunt for some friendly foods that would help make this easier. I got some aardvark sauce (how I didn't already have this I don't know). It does list sugar in the ingredient list, but it's a fermented food and didn't have sugar listed in the nutritional values meaning that it probably was all consumed in the fermentation process and I'll allow it. I also got a very fat pint of blackberries, and some almond butter that comes out of the machine.<br />
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Driving home, I didn't have the "omg I have to cook dinner still and it's going to take me x amount of time to get kids, drive home, figure out what to cook and then actually get it on the table" panic. It was kind of nice. The kids ate some mac and cheese from the hot case at New Seasons and dinner was handled. I probably should have tried to get them to eat something a little more wholesome. Oh well.<br />
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I've been trying to keep my cooking really simple so far. I've avoided the use of recipes and try to rely on simple cooking techniques so that I don't get too overwhelmed or find an excuse not to cook - "whelp, I'm fresh out of sardines and pickled beets for this recipe, guess dinners cancelled" It's easier to buy what's fresh and looks good and then to figure out what to do with it later. I don't want to start cutting corners when I have time to do it right. Once school starts and we're moving, that's a whole different story!<br />
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On another note, I feel myself getting obsessive about doing this "right". I have to keep reminding myself what my goals are and why I'm doing this.<br />
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The book talks a lot about the repair of emotional and habitual eating which is a huge factor for me. I'm giving myself permission to have secret aardvark sauce but I don't feel compelled to use a ton of it and the trace sugar in it isn't going to derail my detox. If I was addicted to the stuff before I started, I think I would rule it out as a crutch. On the other hand, I am not giving myself permission to ignore the small sprinkle of shredded parmesan on my salad.<br />
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I have been catching myself questioning if eating cashews or fruit is okay when I could be having a vegetable. The book has some pretty specific guidelines about hunger versus craving. I have been trying to be mindful, but I don't want to "punish" myself either considering how well I've stayed on program so far. I won't be buying another bag of baby bananas from Trader Joe's soon. Let's just put it that way.Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4842678949624510022.post-85930276794992068052017-08-03T01:29:00.003-07:002017-08-03T01:29:52.703-07:00Day 3Today reached 106ºF outside. We don't have air conditioning. It sucked.<br />
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We stayed in to avoid the heat and left the house in the afternoon for my chiropractor appointment. I made sure to pack whole30 friendly snacks for me and the kids and took a very large cup of ice water.<br />
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I got my results from my x-rays last week and the scoliosis that was under control a year ago is back with a vengeance. (Yay for a year of having no time whatsoever to schedule an adjustment!) The good news is that it's treatable. The bad news is that treatment is expensive and I don't know if I can afford it. Yay stress.<br />
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After a very very long appointment at the chiropractor, I decided we should beat the heat at Ikea. We're in kind of a limbo period where I can't really do much to prepare for moving yet, but the Ikea kitchen planning tool online has kept me feeling like I can do <i>something</i> while we wait and I had some questions about cabinets anyway. It's therapeutic. But, yet another source of stress.<br />
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We left Ikea around 7. I knew that this was going to be bad to push dinner late again. I started to search to see if there were any restaurants that had anything that we could eat, but by the time I figured it out, we'd passed all our options (which were VERY limited).<br />
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I made the mistake of telling Charlotte we could have Chipotle. I tried to explain to her that if we went to Chipotle when she was as hungry and upset as she was, she would probably choose to have the quesadilla she gets every time and would not be proud of her choice. The mental stream that had been running through my head all day came pouring out of her:<br />
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Why did I decide to do this now? Maybe I should do it when we're not in the hottest heat wave we've ever had in Portland. I'm upset and stressed and I just want to feel better and food will fix it if I can just have what I want right now. Maybe I should wait until we move and get more settled.<br />
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She's done amazingly well so far, but she had kind of a meltdown when I decided it would be better if we ate at home.<br />
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I spent the rest of the car ride home talking her off her ledge. The things I was trying to tell her to help her understand her feelings were the same things I have to tell myself. I thought having a 6-year-old buddy would last a day or two and would make it harder, but, surprisingly, she's been helping me stay on track because I talk her through it when it gets hard and it helps me too.<br />
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I haven't really felt deprived of any foods yet, so I don't think I'm faltering because of what I'm missing out on. The mental dialogue is more because I don't want to cook. I don't want to have to schedule around being home to cook either. But not cooking isn't any easier than cooking when you have two, very cranky kids to wrangle.<br />
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Thankfully when we got home I mustered some energy and cooked up pork fried rice using cauliflower "rice" from Trader Joes. My son ate 3 bowls. Charlotte was digging in with gusto until I told her she should be happy because she could still earn her dollar today. What? But this is rice mom! When I told it was cauliflower, she was not happy with me. I believe her response was "I hate Whole30. Why are we even doing this right now?!" I was amused.<br />
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In case anyone is interested in the recipe, here's what I made:<br />
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<h4>
Pork Fried "Rice"</h4>
sesame oil<br />
a handful of baby carrots chopped into pieces<br />
peas, frozen<br />
pork belly (could also use a pork chop, chicken, or go without) trimmed and cut into cubes<br />
3/4 bag cauliflower "rice" from Trader Joes<br />
1 egg<br />
coconut aminos<br />
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Saute pork in some sesame oil over medium-high heat. Add diced carrots and saute another minute. Add in frozen peas and let thaw and warm up. Crank heat up to high, add a bit more sesame oil and dump 3/4 of the bag of riced cauliflower into the pan. Saute until it starts to get a bit browned. Make a well in the middle and crack the egg in the center. Scramble and start stirring in the rice with the egg. When the eggs cooked off (no shiny spots) drizzle with coconut aminos (this is your "salt" so add and taste until it's right). Drizzle more sesame oil on if you want more of that flavor.<br />
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Total cook time approx. 15 minutes.<br />
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<br />Bethany Schweitzer Goshornhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744077664028276809noreply@blogger.com0