Monday, June 28, 2010

Because I like to Share

Okay, so I made this tonight and it was so incredibly delicious that I felt the need to share.
I knew Paul would want hamburgers for dinner because that's what he likes and I decided that I didn't really feel like having a burger or a gardenburger. I had some portobellos in my fridge that I had forgotten that I bought. So I cleaned them, popped out the stem and stabbed them all over with a fork. Then I doused them with yoshida's teriyaki sauce and let them sit about an hour. I grilled them on the barbeque. Then I put them on a Dave's Killer bread bun (toasted on the barbeque) and topped it with a bit of goat cheese, avocado, tomato and some mixed greens. No mayo, no mustard, no fat, no meat. It was SO GOOD!!! Seriously try this!

As a side I chopped brussels sprouts into quarters, drizzled them with olive oil, salt and pepper, and then put them in a disposable baking pan and threw that on the barbeque with the mushrooms. They came out crunchy with a bit of the fire roasted flavor and were way delicious!

Dessert was chopped up peaches and a couple of apricot/plum/nectarine hybrids that I got at New Seasons with some whipped cream on them.

I ate so well today!

Determination!

Well, after a whole day in the sun at Riverfront Park in Salem I can boast one of the finest farmer tans anyone has ever seen. Not only do I have awesome lines on my arms I also have the standard tank top strap lines and a sports bra scoop on my back! I will attribute these accomplishments to my not having a strapless dress and a wedding to worry about this year.

All amusement aside, yesterday was a great day. My dragon boat team killed it and won the entire tournament! I was all smiles and excitement until I got home last night and started looking at the pictures my sister uploaded.

Yeah, the belly roll needs to go. The good news is that spending the day with a bunch of healthy athletic people was really inspiring. One of my teammates (and I hope you read this!) told me about how he had worked his ass off - literally - and lost 30 pounds. He was such an inspiration! I would have never guessed that he had struggled like I do. I want someday for people to be surprised when they see pictures of me that look like this because I am so fit.

The plateau is over. The apathy is over. Now it's time for a game plan.

Step 1 is to eat less. I will probably just count calories for the most part, but not religiously.

Step 2 is to start Couch to 5k again. Everyone on my team can run. Everyone I know who looks great runs. I want to run. I finished my chiropractic ventures and I feel like I have the tools now to be able to run without the immense pain I was having 5 months ago. It's time to run.

Step 3 is to strengthen my core. I want to be a better paddler and this is what's holding me back right now. Running will help, the balance ball I got will help, trying to find workouts I can do will help, getting rid of the pudge that prevents me from bending will help. Now I just need to execute!

So to summarize. Eat less, run more, crunch more.

This summer is going to be the last summer that I feel bad about my weight. Period.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Dreams for the Future

I would like it if when there is a photo of me my stomach doesn't slope out and away from under my boobs. That would be a sign of progress. Perhaps it's good that I despise my photos from the chest down because then I have incentive to resume my efforts.

On another note...

Sunday's dragon boat practice made me want to jump out of the boat and swim to shore. I was so frustrated because I couldn't find my groove and it didn't help to have both the guy behind me and the coach pointing it out to me the entire time. Just when I was starting to feel really good about it I have a practice like that! Perhaps this sport sticks because I can't walk away when it sucks. The water's too cold!
Hopefully tonight's practice will restore my zeal.

I need to work on eating better. That will be my goal the rest of the week. I think I will start by not eating the cookies I baked at 3 this morning. Yeah, good plan.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Salem, Here I come!

I feel like I haven't been keeping up on this as much as I once was. I've been in a continuous stride mode with everything health related. I'm not losing and I'm not gaining. The good news about this is that I have definitely adjusted my lifestyle around a lower weight even if it's not the weight I want to be.

I've had two variables that have pushed me out of my complacency slightly. One is dragon boating and the other is the boy we have boarding with us.

I have been busting my butt with my dragon boating team so that I can race in Salem. I probably didn't have to prove myself to be allowed to race but I felt like I did anyway. I've been giving myself mental pep talks whilst out paddling. Most of these are to the effect of "this is only an hour of your 24 hour day...you can breathe as soon as you're done....the strain and pain you feel in your muscles is your physical proof that you're going to get stronger" and so on. I've also started to get to know my team better and I think that's going to really help me stay motivated to contribute to my team. The last two practices I sat nearer the front of the boat where some of the best paddlers are usually seated and it really helped me to not only have good technique modeled for me but to also feel like I needed to prove that I should be there as well. So a week from Sunday I will get to be a Portland Fire Dragon in Salem!

A few years ago a family allowed me to rent a room from them and really helped make it possible for me to be able to move out of my parents and learn what it was going to take to be out on my  own. I have always felt like this was such a huge and generous favor and it really helped make it possible for me to grow up. So now I get to pay it forward with a kid who's starting college this fall. He's renting our spare bedroom from us to help us with our bills and we're helping him by charging him minimal rent for a decent living space. That's the short version of the story anyway! At any rate, he's a bit obsessed with diet and exercise, enough so that it's actually effective for him. I think it will be a good thing for me because it's always helpful to have a permanent cheerleader living with you.

So that's where things are for right now. I'm not terribly concerned with losing more weight, but I'm at least picking up where I left off with taking care of myself again. I will consider this latest bout of apathy over!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Lost my Will to Care

I'm lying on my couch this morning contemplating everything I have to do today and it pops into my head "I should go do the elliptical before I have to go do anything" And then my next thought is, "Meh, I don't feel that terrible in my shorts."

Truth is, yeah I do. And the other truth is that right now I don't really care. A year ago I weighed 5 pounds less than I do right now and I was a bit more toned. Two years ago was the same. Who am I really kidding? The reality is that I will probably not change and no number of small victories has made any difference in my weight.

So, for today, I'm just going to be happy with how I am. I'm going to eat when I'm hungry. I'm going to exercise when I want to. And I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

On a much less dismal note, I've decided that since I'm unemployed and we'll probably be broke all summer, I'm going to find some bike trails and hiking trails, I'm going to make a list of them, and we're going to tackle them one weekend at a time. Not because it's "the healthy thing to do" or because it's "exercise", but because I enjoy it.

Stop trying and start doing.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Breif Check In

I have to leave to go work in about 6 minutes so I'll try to update quick!

I gained a pound. I need to do another week of low-cal and keeping track so that I can drop another 5 pounds and feel like I'm trying still.

I hate the way the back of my thighs look right now. I cannot bear the thought of being seen in public in a bathing suit. I was thumbing through a victoria secret catalog and looking at all the incredibly cute bathing suits and while I can hide my tummy under at tankini (which aren't nearly as cute) I can't hide my behind. So I'm just going to have to fix it. This means I need to get back on my daily workout routine and drag my cellulite-ridden self to the elliptical three times a week.

I missed dragon boating on Tuesday because I'm a cop-out and I came up with multiple excuses. Here they are!


  • I have been incredibly fatigued lately. I feel tired ALL THE TIME and have that dull ache behind my eyes like I've had too much or not enough sleep. This has been happening for over a month now. I have many theories as to why this might be. One is vitamin D deficiency. Another is a limited amount of nerve function to my thyroid. Another is that I may be depressed about my employment situation and my feeling of powerlessness to do much about it (not to mention the lovely phone calls from Sallie Mae when they feel entitled to what little money I do make).
  • I had two fillings that morning and my teeth hurt. I was hopped up on ibuprofen and didn't feel much like rowing and having a toothache. 
  • All my gear was in the car that Paul took to work, so I would have had to go get it first which would have added 15 minutes to my efforts. 


Lame excuses, but they were enough to persuade me to stay home and try to sleep on my couch. I was also unsuccessful at that.

Overall, I feel like I suck at life right now. But, as it has done in the past, I'm sure this too shall pass.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Not Interested

I just realized that I did not think once today about whether I was making any sort of good choices to improve myself. But I was able to make some good choices anyway.

I feel like I've hit a new plateau in my lifestyle. Typically when I stop keeping track of what I'm doing to take care of myself I tend to go in three different directions. One is to feel horribly guilty every time I knowingly do something I shouldn't (put down the donut!). Two is that I pretty much just forget what I should be doing and I don't even think about it at all. Three is that I buckle down and fix it - this is usually temporary.
The last week or two I realize now that I have reached a new zone. Indifference.

I have been doing so many things to really improve my physicality lately that you would think I would want to do whatever I can to boost it. Even if I choose not to I usually feel guilty about it. But I haven't really been trying to do anything. There is a silver lining however. What is actually kind of good about this is that I have set myself up for at least nominal success regardless of whether I'm paying attention or not. I dragon boat three days a week come rain or shine. I am antsy to bike whenever it's nice out. And I haven't been eating when I'm not hungry because I just haven't really been interested.

So, even though I am not all that gung-ho on making improvements and pushing myself to do better lately, I am at least still doing things by default. Now, if I could just work a few more little things into my "default lifestyle" I might just find the cure for the chub!