Sunday, August 30, 2009

Dancing Queen!

I went out last night for Darren's dirty thirty. I watched a UCF fight for the first time, and that was interesting, but actually fun to my surprise. During some of the fights I had to sit on the floor because the room was full. I am such a nerd because I kept shifting to try to get a good stretch as long as I was down there. I didn't get to go to yoga yesterday at all and I won't get to go today either. So I amused at myself because I kept wanting to stretch all day. Afterward we went to Puffs. I was totally surprised when I went to dance and I found myself able to stay on the floor longer than I could before and while my thighs felt the burn - yeah, I have to drop it like it's hot or it's pointless - it wasn't nearly as bad as it was last time I went dancing. Yoga has given me more dancing skills! Oh, and when songs said to bend over to the front and touch your toes, I could do it. And I wanted to do it so I could stretch haha!

Friday, August 28, 2009


I put my Sigg bottle in the freezer yesterday to take to yoga class and I forgot about it. Unfortunately I forgot about it longer than I should have. Ice is mean!

I had my WW meeting today. It's nice to have a group of people that are supportive and encouraging. Even if you only see them once a week. I have 9 pounds to lose to get my 10% goal. November will be a year that I've been going to Weight Watchers. I think I'm going to make it my goal to lose the 9 pounds by then. If I can't lose 9 pounds in 3 months, I guess I'll have to rethink my goals and what weight loss really means to me. I've been trying to lose this same weight though since January. It's kind of stupid actually that I'm dragging my feet this much. I think I need to start by going to get another sigg bottle.

Bucket List Inspired by Jami!

My old friend Jami from Pacific is going to be my anti-fatty blog buddy I think :) We've been following each others blogs and she had a great idea to make a bucket list of things she'd like to be able to do in her life. I think this is a great idea. So here is my list of things I'd like to be able to do as a healthy person:

- Get pregnant and half the cutest belly jutting from a thin frame.
- Get through a workout without thinking to myself how fat I am and how this is going to help me not be.
- Be able to go for a run without feeling like I'm going to die.
- Be able to get through a yoga class without my feet hurting.
- Rockclimb
- Play softball again.
- Teach my kids (whenever they get here) to eat in a healthy way (instead of to self medicate)
- Be able to play with my nephews and my future kids at things that require more physical activity like hikes or sports games or running in circles!
- Not die of or battle heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, etc...
- Justify spending money on a bike because I know I'll use it as much if not more than my car.
- Wear a bikini that I picked out becuase it's cute, not because it hides the cellulite. Not because it covers the right places. Becuase it's cute. And I want to be cute in it.

I'm sure I'll add more to this at some point. This seems like the list that's usually running through my head though.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Oh So Emo

I debated about going to yoga. It's one of the only days that they offer the late class, and I really wanted to go for that reason. But about an hour beforehand, I just really didn't feel like going. I also didn't drink any water to prepare for class first. And I lost track of time and started to make cake. So, when I saw what time it was, I decided that yoga was a better choice than cake. The class was really small, and it was an instructor that I really like. I started out pretty strong, but I was having a really difficult time focusing because I kept being distracted by how fat I am. Part of it was that there was this lady I haven't seen in classes before there that was skinny and gorgeous and had the best legs I've ever seen. She looked like she was probably in her late 40's. It was depressing to feel less attractive at 25 than this woman twice my age. I noticed that she was struggling with some of the poses and that made me feel slightly better. But then the headache and the dizziness from not hydrating started to set in and then I let myself get upset. I left the hot room to see if my head would feel a bit better and then went back into the class. I didn't feel like it was the best idea to finish out the sets because I wasn't warmed up anymore and I hadn't done have the poses to prepare for the deeper stretches. I think I'm going to wait until Saturday to go again. Hopefully I can fit it in somewhere between work and a party I'm going to. (happy birthday Darren!!)
I still want cake really bad. But I decided to try to eat salad first and see if I'm still hungry. I'm not hungry. But I want cake. Good thing I'm too lazy to make it now. I decided today too that every time I try to make buttermilk ranch dressing as lowfat as possible, I end up not eating it. So I decided to make it normal so it actually tastes good, and just not use too much when I eat. I also took the liberty of blending an avocado into half the batch. You can't really taste it, but the consistency is really delicious.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

And again

Went to yoga today at 4:30 instead of my usual 8:15 time (they only offer that time M,T, & Th). I've been trying the other times of the day to see what I like better. 9am is somewhat crowded, 6:30 is really crowded and really really hot. 4:30 today was fairly roomy and ridiculously hot, but that's because the instructor didn't know how to use the fans. It actually really sucked because I couldn't do near as much because I was too hot, so she opened the doors, which cooled it off, but too quickly. Then she figured out the fans right after which completely dried me off. So I was really hot, but the burning itchy kind of hot rather than the warm wet kind of hot. Which makes any contact to your skin rather painful. But I did get through the class. I didn't get emotional. I was very okay with allowing myself to just endure the heat lying on my back instead of pushing myself through the postures. And I wasn't angry for not pushing myself harder. Overall, it was a fairly good class.
I've been noticing that I have a really hard time not allowing my eyes to wander around the room. I like to see what other people are doing and how good they are. There's this little brown man that has been in a few of my classes that's amazing. Outside the room is a poster of all the postures demonstrated by Bikram done to their perfect point and this guy is on the verge of getting there. It really makes you appreciate it too when you're just trying to get the first step down. I feel like my body is starting to change every so slightly. My thighs don't feel quite so massive and that's good. When I start losing clothing sizes, I will really be happy. But I think my diet needs to get on board with this exercise thing. I'm craving french fries right now and I know that's definitely going to hold me back!

Hatha Yoga postures

I got this off of the website for the yoga place I go to. I also found out on their website that they have a free class on the first Saturday of the month at 11am. I have to teach at that time at Beacocks, but perhaps in a month or two I will be done there and can take some people if they want to go.

Hatha Yoga Postures

PosturesPostures
  1. Standing Deep Breathing
  2. Half Moon Pose
  3. Awkward Pose
  4. Eagle Pose
  5. Standing Head To Knee Pose
  6. Standing Bow Pulling Pose
  7. Balancing Stick
  8. Balancing Separate Leg Stretching
  9. Triangle Pose
  10. Standing Separate Leg Head To Knee Pose
  11. Tree Pose
  12. Toe Stand Pose
  13. Dead Body Pose
  14. Wind Removing Pose
  15. Sit-up
  16. Cobra Pose
  17. Locust Pose
  18. Full Locust Pose
  19. Bow Pose
  20. Fixed Firm Pose
  21. Half Tortoise Pose
  22. Camel Pose
  23. Rabbit Pose
  24. Separate Leg Stretching Pose
  25. Spine Twisting Pose
  26. Blowing In Firm Pose

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Pushing onward

I didn't get to go to yoga yesterday because I didn't really plan very well. So I was glad to get to go today. On a day like today, yoga is the only thing that gets me off my couch. At any rate, I went to the late class, which I think is my favorite the more I go to different class times. It's less hot and less crowded. It was led by someone different than I expected, but I liked her so it was good. I'm starting to realize that even though every class is the same, the instructors can really make a difference in how hard I push myself. I pushed today. The standing series is an hour long and it's meant to build strength and balance. I have a very difficult time with some of it because my feet start to hurt really badly. I asked her about this after class and she said that it was very normal and that I just needed to build strength in my feet, which would come with time. I tried to work through the pain as much as I could, but I had to stop and massage my feet out after I started several poses. Once we got to the sitting series, it was mostly smooth sailing until I got a splitting headache about halfway in. The nice thing is that between each pose you lay on your back and get your breath back. This really helped my head feel better quickly. But I couldn't really do the rabbit pose where you sit on your knees and roll forward on your head to stretch out your spine.
I asked the instructor about what to do when I get really emotional in class as well. She said if I just needed to sit and cry in the class it would be fine and that nobody would really notice if it was tears or sweat because everyone's all sweaty anyway. She also commended me for coming to 6 classes in 9 days. I've already noticed and improvement in my flexibility. There is one pose where you stand with your legs spread and attempt to get your forehead to the floor with your hands behind your ankles. I was able to get my hands to my feet for about 20 seconds today and I haven't been able to do that yet. Normally I use my hands to support my torso so I don't stretch down too far. I went to class on a fairly full stomach which made some of the torso stretches really uncomfortable. I'll have to remember not to eat so much even hours beforehand if I don't want to feel like my gut is pushing against my ribs.

Now I'm eating rocky road ice cream. But I'm only have one scoop. I feel I've earned it. Sort of. I should probably not be eating at all considering I had olive garden for lunch today (we couldn't afford it, but Paul's been working 10 consecutive days, so I felt like he needed it) and I didn't choose healthy options because I wanted to enjoy myself for a change. Tomorrow will be better. Although being so dirt poor makes it difficult to purchase healthy food. I have tons of pasta and no veggies. Oh well. Perhaps it's time to consider taking a break from Weight Watchers. It will be a year in November and only 9 pounds of weight loss on my part. I think I either need to buckle down and earn the privilege of going, or I need to take a break for a few months. It's a bit more difficult when you can't afford food though.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Suck

I was so excited to go to yoga this morning. I didn't get to go yesterday because of work, and I've been kind of sore so I was looking forward to stretching some of my soreness out. I got there on time, and there was even a really pretty song on the classical music station on the way there. I put my mat down early and sat outside the room to wait for class. I went in to lay down and acclimate to the heat. People were still coming in and getting ready for class. When I stood up to start, I found that a woman had put her mat directly in front of mine so I couldn't see what I was doing in the mirror at all (very important). I figured I'd trudge along and do the best I could. But then I realized further in that the people next to me were so close that I couldn't stretch without being distracted by trying not to hit them. The class was kind of full. The distraction started to make me angry and then I started getting frustrated with my limited ability to do the poses properly. Finally I just got angry and upset. I moved my mat toward the back of the room (which you're not really supposed to do) so that I could have some more space hoping I would calm down a little bit. I sat down and tried working on some of my stretches that way and then the instructor came and told me to try it standing. This pushed me over the edge and I left the room crying. After I'd collected myself I came back to the class. My motivation to really push myself was pretty much gone so I just tried to get through it. I managed to get to the end of class and left immediately. I still feel pretty good now, but that really sucked. It also is starting to really suck being the fat kid in class. Everyone else manages to get themselves into all of the poses except me. I end up spending most of my time just trying not to fall over. But ultimately I still feel great, so I'm going to keep going. Hopefully I'll lose enough body fat to actually be able to get into some of the positions.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Because status updates aren't enough

I've decided that I want a better outlet for chronicling my various ventures into getting skinny. Most people that know me are aware that I am always working on this. So I'm going to attempt to spare the people I know all the details whenever I see them by writing them down here instead. We'll see if that happens!

Mostly right now I just want to talk about Bikram Yoga.
I started the monthly low cost trial on Monday last week. I started that day at the 8:15 evening class. I made it through, but spent the majority of my time just standing there on my mat trying not to throw up or pass out. The room is heated to 105 degrees. This makes it kind of difficult the first few times. After class I felt really exhausted and refreshed at the same time. You sweat like CRAZY and there are so many toxins leaving your body, even if all you do is stand there and breathe.
I went again at the same time on Tuesday night. I didn't get the sick or dizzy stuff again and I did each pose once even if I couldn't do them twice like your supposed to. I felt so good afterward! Wednesday I went to an earlier evening class. I didn't have that sick feeling at all, but I felt totally drained and I couldn't even get through the whole class. I think part of it was that the room was hotter than it had been before, and the class was really full so there was more heat to contend with. There were also several more new people that left the room in the middle, and it's so much easier to give in when someone else has made it okay. I was so upset with myself for not at least staying in the room even if I couldn't participate. It felt like a step backwards.
Yesterday I went to class at 9am. The room was cooler than it had been in the evenings, but still pretty warm (probably around 103 degrees) and the class was small. I got through every pose and it's repeat except for three when my shoulders started cramping so hard I thought I would start to cry from the pain. I am still a bit sore from that and from being able to really push into some of the stretches more than I had been able to before. I talked to the instructor afterward about some things I could do to keep from cramping. He told me I might want to eat something small like fruit before class to give me that little bit of extra energy and potassium. I got to ask about some of the breathing techniques too because they use a couple of different methods that are different from singing.

So right now on a scale of 1-10
Balance - 3
Strength - 3
Endurance - 5
Flexibility - 4

I feel like these are the things that matter to me with yoga more than the losing weight or being skinny. Some of the poses I can't even begin to get into because I just have too much body fat getting in my way. I think my skills will improve as my body does.